The "inner feminist weeps" cartoon

Frank Warren is the owner of PostSecret.com, and every week he gets over a thousand postcards from people who want to confess their sins to him. He takes the best twenty of so, scans them and then posts them to his site.

The postcard on the left arrived in April 2008 and earned its place on the site. Matters may have ended there but the Times was looking for an easy story that month to fill space so they ran a piece about Frank's site and illustrated it with the girl's cartoon.

Who she is we don't know, but she can certainly draw, and her comment struck a chord in the popular imagination, so much so that copies of her work are now all over the web.

Not bad going for a simple sketch and a brief confession.

This blog is booming!

"Some readers of this blog have contacted Google because they believe this blog's content is objectionable."

That's how the new warning message  that Google has stuck up on my blog starts, before going on to say that basically Google doesn't give a stuff about content, so click the button to enter the site.

It's the word objectionable that I find most appealing. It conjures up images of anal retentives who are offended and who want their sense of that which is offensive in their sight to be noted. Verily, it is duly noted and they are cordially invited to pull their foreskins over their heads and wank themselves to death.

For the rest of you the blog is clearly hopping because we are now averaging over 300 hits a day and I hope that the dominant fellows and their suitably compliant females who make up the bulk of those hitsters will continue returning to give a traditional, British, two-fingered salute to the dickless dwarfs who live in the shadows and who find us so frightfully objectionable!

Hack Attack!

I suppose that it had to happen sooner or later: an attempt was made a couple of hours ago to hack into the accounts that run this blog, leading Google to suspend both the e-mail and blog. To get both up and running again I had to send a valid mobile number to the Google system and then  the number rang and a disembodied voice gave me a six digit code to put into the access page. Once that was done everything suddenly started to work again. I suppose the only real problem came about because whilst in Mexico I am using the crappy, semi-official mobile provider and the code has still not arrived at that number several hours after it was requested. However my son has a Nextel phone and that company got the call through in seconds.

So who hates me enough to want to put the blog off-line? Take your pick from mouthy ex-lovers who don't know their place onwards. However, one thing is clear: the buggers failed!

Merry Christmas

A very merry Christmas to all my readers.

Calling all wannabes: here's how it's done!

I am often accused of both sexism and misogyny. The first I plead guilty to, but the second is a nonsense. I don't hate women, I just don't take most of the superficial little darlings all that seriously. However, what I have never done is to try and force any woman to do something that she really didn't want to do, and that point is important since there is a nasty internet rumour going around to the contrary. In fact so strong is this Facebook-based tale that Raven Red was actually warned by at least one person not to spend last month in my house as I do not respect the notion of consensual activity. She ignored the advice and will be back with me next July, but let's nail this load of old wank once and for all, shall we?

Fuck or fuck off has always been my attitude towards the fair sex. I do not go looking for submissive girls to spank, I just seek out females and then spank them. Or rather I wait until they do something particularly inane - it doesn't take long, we are talking about women after all - and then I warn them that a repeat performance will earn them a trip across my knee. At that point madam is more than at liberty to tell me that a smacked bottom is out of the question. In which case my fuck or fuck off rule comes into play and I either throw her out, if we are at my place, or put my coat on and leave if at hers. 

On the other hand, if madam decides that she wants to carry on seeing me, but doesn't fancy the idea of too many smacked bottoms then all she has to do is keep her innate female silliness under some sort of control and she need never find herself staring at a carpet as her knickers are taken down. I don't invent reasons to spank, and if truth be told what I really want is a quiet life.

Where did this nasty rumour about me come from? Probably from within the ranks of the hand shandyists who are only socially-conservative behind a computer monitor. At all other times they are pussy-whipped wannabes who find it hard to keep Mrs Hand and her five daughters in line, never mind a real live woman.

Vote for the Pink Report

It's that time of year when blog readers are asked to vote for their  favourite spanking read of 2010. Cuddly Uncle Nick has voted for The Pink Report over at the Spanking Spot's poll and hopes that you will follow the link and cast your vote for the lovely Miss Pink as well.

Advertising the old fashioned way

 

Rather an amusing American advert from the late 1930s. What interests me about it is the matter of fact way in which a wife is being disciplined by her husband. This is an advert for flour, but there is no suggestion that the audience of the day didn't understand the message which is that wives are under their husbands' authority.

Where did western society go wrong?

On caring for a tawse

Following on from Wednesday's posting, I decided that the tawse needed some care and attention, having been stuck in a drawer for two years, so I went and bought some saddle soap. It will probably be the middle of 2011 before it gets to teach Raven her lesson but it is never too soon to start bringing this delightful implement back to its full vigour.

Bringing a daughter to heel

George Thompson was a man who knew how to keep his daughter Loretta in line - even when she was 34 years old. She stayed out until midnight according to this  front page LA Times report of the 25 May 1938 and her bottom paid the price with Loretta across her daddy's knee. The matter was resolved with Loretta agreeing to be home by 10.00pm during the week and at midnight on weekends.

Looking ahead with pleasant anticipation

A posting over at Raven Red's place has put me even more out of sorts than I was owing to the effects of Monday's flight. Whilst I was in the air, suffering the pain that British Airways inflicts on its passengers,  Raven was getting her backside tawsed with an implement that I tracked down for her in England. 

She went back to South Africa last week, taking with her the cane and tawse pictured above. The cane was mine and was given to her as a gift for a certain HH, but the tawse had to be bought, an activity that took up rather more of my time than I wished to dedicate to it. Eventually I found one through my contacts which at least shut up the Raven's inane prattling on the subject.

The reason why all this has left me out of sorts is that although I welted her backside with the cane, I never got the opportunity to grease up the tawse across her bare rump before both rump and tawse left the country. Raven went to Coventry for a night and had the item in her bag. She claims that the bag fell open on the bed just as she was about to leave and that the tawse fell out unbeknownst to herself.

Yes, I know, she's a woman and therefore scatterbrained and quite capable of doing stupid things as a matter of course, but this is stretching my credulity just a little too far, especially since madam had been saying that the tawse might just get lost  in the English Midlands...

To make matters worse, yesterday Raven suggested that we go and buy another tawse just like the one that went to South Africa and that was when my nose really went out of joint. Few people ever get away with patronising me - few men I really should say and no fucking women at all at least if they know what is good for them!

So, here is what is going to happen. Back in 1990 I purchased the tawse that is pictured on the left. It is a ferocious implement, and one that was left here in Mexico when I returned to the UK in December of 2009.

As soon as I saw Raven's posting I called her on Skype, and just as soon as that little chat was over I went and recovered my trusty old tawse and took a photo of it to send to her. That photo is reproduced here. As you can see from the picture below, this tawse is not a toy and I absolutely fucking guarantee that Raven la Roja is going to be sleeping on her stomach and eating her meals standing up for a week  after it has been used on her.

On that happy note breakfast calls!

Blogging...

Blogging is going to be light until the middle of January as I will be in Mexico until then. I will do my best to produce a couple of updates a week, so stay tuned.

In the meantime Raven Red has produced her take on the well earned caning that I gave her the other day, so please take a trip over to her place and read her make a drama out of the few light taps that did little more than tickle her bottom.

Caveat Emptor

 

There are certain things that just tickle my funny bone and this cartoon in one of them. With thanks to The Pink Report.

Hello Sally's Bottoms

Fuck or fuck off: that has always been my first rule when dealing with women. I have never forced any woman to do anything that she didn't want to do, but on the other hand if any little darling wants something from me then she pays for it first, usually on her back, but occasionally on her knees or doggie style, depending upon my mood. God bless the little darlings, but they either fuck or they get told to fuck off and that is just the way life is in Nick Urzdown's world.

The other day a little Facebook darling called Sally Phillips contacted me wanting to be my friend, indeed she claimed that she wanted me to be her mentor. Being my usual cynical self I used this little toy to check out her photos and found that some had been nicked from a Russian site. I looked at her blog and realised quickly that we are both in the trade - she is trying to earn a buttie with her site - so I wrote back and said that if she wanted my help then an end to the chicanery was a prerequisite. I also gave her a link to the archive site that I keep as an awful warning to slappers everywhere not to even think about trying it on with me. Not that Sally is a slapper - perish the thought...  Anyway, the lady has agreed to play fair and I am happy to give her a helping hand.

If she wants anything more than that then obviously rule one will apply, but as things stand I am happy to play the role of avuncular uncle so long as Sally stays a good girl. If she ever becomes a bad one then that might just have to change...

Another Caning For Raven Red

Raven Red is on her way back to South Africa, her flight having left Heathrow on its twelve hour journey at 8.00pm yesterday. Heaven knows how she is sitting down at the time of writing given the caning that I gave her on Friday afternoon, but that is not my problem. It was my pleasure to administer the correction, but the problem is all Raven's.

The agreement that we had prior to her arrival in this country was that she would reduce her weight to 15 stones or 105 kilos. That she failed to do and she tipped the scales at 123 kilos, and thus received one stroke for every kilo over her agreed weight. The 18 strokes were laid on at about 3.00pm and the photo was taken an hour or so later.

Madam hopes to reach her final weight of 11 stones or 80 kilos by the middle of 2011. Hopefully she will be back in the UK by that time and she is aware that the cane awaits any backsliding.

The Take Three Girls Spanking

Although I say it myself, I was a handsome devil back in 1996, wasn't I? The spanking that I administered back then wasn't my greatest, but I was on video and the aim was to keep it going as long as possible. Joanne, the young actress on the receiving end, was clearly going orgasmic as my hand cracked down across her rump and that was another reason not to rush things. I have to be honest and say that when I am spanking a genuinely naughty girl then the intention is always to smack hard and fast so as to teach madam her lesson, but when it is a spot of video work I always aim to please the viewer, and I think that I did that back in 1996. Joanne wasn't complaining, either!

The clip comes from Moonglow, the new spanking magazine that is currently on sale at just £10.00, post paid. Click this link and take a look at what is on offer inside the full issue.

La Fessée Part Seven

In this quite marvellously daft final clip everyone gets spanked by everyone else. First the master spanker deals with a traffic warden, then he is spanked in his turn by a rather elegant women. The film ends with every girl who has appeared in it being spanked by all the male characters before sucking and fucking every one of them. What an ending - what a film!

Raven's first spanking

Actually if you want to be pedantic, yesterday's spanking was not her first since I did have the lady across my knee a couple of weeks ago, but that affair was little more than a tickle, with yesterday's event being very much the real thing.

I suppose that I had a reason to spank her, but let's be honest it was just an excuse. Raven has been with me for three weeks and during most of that time I was ill with a nasty chest infection and then she came down with a cold so neither of us were in any mood for anything other than curing our respective illnesses. My strength is now returning and Raven's nasty cough is under control, so yesterday seemed like a good day to underline the respective male and female roles in this relationship.

We were in the bedroom and Raven probably had an idea of what was about to happen, certainly her shoulders sagged slightly as I began telling her why she was shortly to pay a trip across my knee. She made a rather feeble attempt at justification, but I told her in my best peremptory  manner that I wasn't interested in female prattle and then I pulled her across my knee, thus short circuiting any further tedious delaying tactics.

It was the work of a moment to haul up her skirt and then Raven's black satin panties came down in no time at all. I am not a great believer in delaying matters so once those preliminaries had been accomplished I proceeded to administer the spanking, alternating one cheek with the other, and bringing my hand down in a great arc from high above  my head to smack it with full velocity across Raven's upturned rump.

The nice thing about a good hand spanking is that it is pretty hard to overdue things since the aching in the arm and the tingling of the palm usually provides sufficient notice that the correction has been suitably administered. That said, I have been left with a rather badly bruised little finger, so perhaps I did allow my enthusiasm to get the better of me on this occasion. Raven received a good one hundred smacks, all laid on with the full weight of my arm behind each one, and was left visibly shaking when I allowed her to rise.

Since then madam has been rather subdued, and we shall see how she behaves over the course of the next few days before a final decision as to the full efficacy of yesterday's event can be made. However my gut feeling is that Raven is going to be very careful around me for the rest of this week at least.

The Moonglow magazine is here!

 

Here she is folks - the first issue of Moonglow, the next generation spanking magazine. As editor what I have tried to do is combine the best of the old printed magazines with today's technology to bring you the future of our kink today.

Moonglow fits on a DVD disk, but it is burned using CD-Rom technology. You open it on any computer and as with all magazines you will see an index page.Just click on any link to go to the section that you want - an electronic way of flicking through a magazine.

The content will please even the most jaded spanking palate. I have included a reprint of the first ever edition of Blushes from the 1980s in PDF format so you can print it up if you want. Enough video to keep even the most demanding customer happy - would you believe over two hours of high quality spanking video? I have even included a blast from the real life spanking past with a report of the Darren Nesbitt and Ann Aubrey case from 1972, complete with reprints of all the newspaper coverage of the day.

All that and more for just £10.00 or $15.00 if you live in the USA. Just click this link to order your copy post free right now!

La Fessée Part Six

Our hero receives a telegram summoning him back to the village of his birth. He finds a wake in progress and a very merry widow who turns out to be none other than Elizabeth, the girl that he had spanked all those years ago when he was but a youth. Obviously he feels the urge to take her across his knee again before knobbing her firmly for old time's sake.

Brazilian spanking

You have to love Latin types - the way that they scream at one another just confirms every belief we ever had about these inbreds. Here a Brazilian mother demonstrates the finer points of hysteria before taking a belt to her recalcitrant daughter. If anyone wants a translation then they can forget it as far as I am concerned. I speak Spanish, and Portuguese is basically a dialect, but it sounds a bit like the unintelligible Spanish that  a  lobotomised retard might speak.