Three saucy young madams

I was strolling through Burnley on Monday afternoon wearing a nice wide brimmed panama hat and a Mexican guayabera shirt, a type that has four pockets, plenty of pleats and is worn outside the trousers. I sauntered past three tasty bits of talent, all in their very late teens or early twenties and my eyes perved the three of 'em as I wandered along.

"Who the fucking hell are you looking at, Paki?"

I stopped, drew myself up to my full height and turned around to face the female miscreant in question: "Do I look like  wily oriental gentleman to you?"

"Ooer, my grandad says that about Pakis," replied the sauce madam in question.

"Congratulations, you have confused both my race and my age, which is not bad going in thirty seconds. Any more insults or shall I just take your knickers down here and now?"

The three reprobates all broke out in giggles at that, and before they had a chance to dig themselves even deeper in the mire I asked how the hell they could confuse an Englishman with one of those people who have so enriched our culture with their presence, or something?

"I couldn't see your head because of the hat and you look a bit Paki with the shirt hanging outside your trousers like that," explained the mouthy one who had started this conversation in the first place.

"Do I look like I am wearing my fucking jim-jams on the street?"

"Sorry for my mistake," madam breathed.

"So I can get back to perving three tasty bits of talent without being so insulted again?"

"Course you can, love," said the one with the seriously large boobs.

I noticed that she was carrying a book. Could it be? Yes it was - Fifty Shades of Grey. Feeling that my birthday had arrived early I handed out my card to all three and told 'em that the hero in that work of fiction had nothing on me.

Then I continued to saunter, forcing myself not to turn and look around as we don't want the female of the species to get too cocky, do we, chaps?

Fifty Shades Text Generator

Wanna write some Fifty Shades of Grey porno but you find it hard to sit down and churn out the type of prose that the women just love as they feel their panties moistening? Now you don't have to thanks to this 50 Shades generator. Just click on over there and generate your own sexy text all ready to slot into whatever prose you have cobbled together to link the sex scenes together.

Your inner goddess will love you!

How the Mohammedans do things

We don't normally run femdom stuff at this here blog but since this week is Rubadub or something for the Mohammedans I thought that I would include a piece that would appeal to them and this is all I could find off-hand.

Royal Ascot Upskirts

As you will know, Royal Ascot introduced some new dress rules, so here they are, as amended by avuncular old Uncle Nick:

 

Knickers are optional in the Silver Ring area of the course.

Ladies are reminded that the wind can gust at times...

...and that an embarrassed grin alone does nothing to solve this problem.

Thongs should only be worn when cellulite is not present.

Saggy arses are not allowed in the Royal Enclosure.

Which girl got the job?

This is the girl who got the job, which now pays her just over £20,000 a year, according to the reports that I have seen. People may think that this is not a large amount of money, but the third world cost of living is much less than ours. And Russia is basically Upper Volta with missiles.

Yesterday's competition earned the blog several hundred hits, so a warm welcome to all the new people who turned up to have a look around the place. Make yourselves comfortable, ashtrays are on the mantelpiece, please leave a comment next time.

How the Russians choose a secretary

There you are - a reasonably successful Russian businessman who needs a  new secretary. You advertise in the press and you interview a few hundred girls, but you cannot decide which one to choose.

Then you come up with a brilliant idea...

You invite four of the tastiest girls back for a second interview...

And you tell them to flash their tits for the camera. 

The one with the nicest set will get the job.

Which one would you choose?

Click here to see the winner!

Mother and son

I was in the local Tescos the other day and a youngish mother was having an off day with her toddler.

"You want your bottom smacking, don't you, David? That's what you are after, right here in the shop, and over my knee. Shall we go and let mummie sit down on that chair so she can get herself comfortable for her bad little boy?"

On and on it went with the mother laying it on with a trowel and the little brute just grizzling by way of reply.

The though occurred to me that thirty years down the road he might be paying out good money to hear a speech like that, and there he was getting it all for free, but was he grateful?

Of course not!

Getting the priorities right

What is left to be said? For most people it was a major crisis meeting, but  Silvio Berlusconi managed to lighten the atmosphere with his obvious admiration of the rear end of Argentina's President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner at the Cannes summit on Thursday.

Let's hear it for naked news!

This has nothing to do with la cosa nostra, but it has seriously tickled my funny bone so I am running a clip here. Naked News is a Canadian based outfit which presents the news in a rather different way to everyone else.

I don't care what people say: it really is a man's world, isn't it?

Decisions, Decisions...

Whack To The Future?

The press is having a field day with the news that roughly half of Britain's parents support the reintroduction of corporal punishment into the country's schools and about twenty percent of their offspring share that view. You may argue that it is unfair for kids to get for free that which their elders pay good money to receive, but that is not the point, is it?

The point is that the ideologically pure at heart over at the Guardian are collectively giving birth to kittens at this news, something which is made even more hilarious by the paper's own poll which shows a quarter of its own readers are in favour of the application of rattan to rumps.

Readers of this blog are cordially urged to get over to the Guardian and vote yes to corporal punishment even if they actually disprove of the notion. Annoying Guardian readers is just a good in itself.

Female Delights

Women, come on, fellas, let's be honest: we love 'em, don't we? We just find it hard to take them seriously, that's all...

Natasha Gray, a teacher worth knowing!

Gorgeous, isn't she with her smackable rear-end and bedroom eyes? Natasha Gray is the name and  PE teaching is her game at Manor Community College in Cambridge.

One man who opposed Natasha's extra-curricular modelling career was Ben Slade - that's him on the left, looking very fetching indeed in his Springtime for Hitler shirt. Normally hardly anyone would take much notice of the likes of Ben, but in this case people had to at least pretend to be interested as for some reason he is the school's headmaster.

Ben tried to get Natasha sacked, but we are pleased to report that he failed, and that Natasha still provides hard-ons at the school.

What has this got to do with this blog and its theme? Absolutely nothing, but when you are as stuck for a posting as I am at the moment, then digging up this 2009 tale of a beddable bird and her podgy, balding tormentor is just manna from heaven.