Raven and the world of BDSM

My plan was to start the blog up again early in the New Year, but I spent several hours chatting on the telephone to Raven yesterday, so I thought that I would return sooner than planned with this cautionary tale.

Raven is far kinkier than me, that much is obvious to both of us. I spank a woman when she has irritated me, and yes I fuck her afterwards, usually, because having a nice, subdued female is a delight, but at the end of the day I can live without reddening a female rump so long as madam behaves herself.

Raven, alas, has reached a stage where she cannot live without discipline. It is not the pain, which she hates by the way, it is the feeling that she has been punished and that feeling helps to calm her down. Even her voice changes after a spanking, as it and her both become very soft and gentle.

The problem is that the fellow in South Africa who takes Raven in hand is away on holiday and the lady became ratty and out of sorts and decided to dip her toe in the BDSM world, with consequences that made her shudder as she related the tale to me.

She met a man with judgement that she trusted and he put her in touch with a fellow, the idea being that this other man would take over Raven's disciplinary needs. The two met in a bar and Raven told me that she was uncertain about him, but would play it by ear. Yesterday, the two decided to meet in the same bar to continue the discussion, and that is when it all went horribly wrong for her.

To begin with his car had broken down so Raven drove to his house and the pair began to chat. The problem was that this man turned out to be a serious alcoholic who proceeded to down a whole bottle of brandy in the hour or so that she was with him. He became aggressive, and began to tell her how she would behave at all times - and it was at that moment that she burst out laughing.

Things became ugly at that point and Raven left. Now, she was never really in any danger, partly because this clown was too drunk to be able to coordinate his movements properly, but mainly because Raven is a tough bird who knows how to brawl if she has to. That said, the whole incident left her out of sorts and in need a several hours' conversation with me over the 'phone.

What can I say? Today is her birthday and if you are so minded you might want to leave a greeting at her blog or Facebook page - she would appreciate that, I know.

As for me, I am reminded of a conversation that I had over a decade ago here in Mexico City with some friends who enjoyed a good spanking. Each and every one of them was vociferous in their belief that they had nothing to connect them to the BDSM shower.

Given what happened to Raven yesterday, they maybe had a point?

Wanky Wednesday: Victoria's Double Punishment

Here is the second video that I made with Victoria, presented here as a downland for your delectation and delight. Just click this link to visit the storage area and start your free download.

How the video came to be made is an amusing story in itself, and one that you can read in A Spanking Good Life. At the time of writing, Amazon UK now onlyu have two copies left, but more are on order, so get over there and grab yourself one for Christmas.

The future of porn

Over the past few weeks I have been running a feature called Wanky Wednesday where you are invited to download a video free of charge. Yesterday's offering was one of the videos that I made in Mexico and I included a link to my book where you can read how it came to be made.

In a nutshell that's going to be the future of porn. The videos that everyone is pirating, anyway, will be given away free with the producers' blessings. The idea will be that a video will act as a kind of loss-leader that will persuade you to buy a product that cannot be pirated - in this case that product is my book. Sure, you can buy a copy and then pass it along to your friend, but that has always been the case with the printed word. However, the chain has to start with somebody forking out for a copy of A Spanking Good Life, as making a pirate copy is not cost effective.

This will be the future of the trade as Berth Milton, the head of Private, a major European porn company, now accepts. His plan is to give the basic stuff away free and monetise the exclusive material. So he plans to video the action in a swingers' club and offer it as pay per view to subscribers. A spanking outfit could conceivably offer the live feed of a corporal punishment session, then it could sell the edited highlights of that session. Obviously the highlights would end up being pirated, but the main profit would come from the live feed. The highlights would be a bit of cream in the coffee, and free publicity for the porn outfit. In other words the pirates would be helping the company out by distributing videos that are basically glorified adverts for the next live show.

It is not just the porn trade that is working with the pirates. A major games producer accepts that people will copy his work, so what is is doing is offering exclusive content that a pirated disk cannot contain. The idea is that people will get the game however they like, but will then have to go the the company for the interesting bits. It is pretty much the same deal that the porn trade is working towards, and leads me to conclude that giving away my video was not such a bad idea.

So, I hope that you enjoyed yesterday's free wankfest and I sincerely hope that some of you were inspired to know the story of the shoot. To get that you need to read the book!

Vintage Spanking Clips!

Wanky Wednesday: Victoria's Spanking

Say what you like about me, but I sure know how to smack a bottom as Victoria found out some years ago. The video has been presented on here as a flash movie, but I figured that it was time to let you have it as a free download.

If you are interested in the story behind the shoot then all you need to do is click on over to Amazon and buy a copy of A Spanking Good Life and read the chapter dealing with my Mexico video experiences.

Click here to download Victoria's Spanking absolutely free!

A Spanking Good Life sells out again!

As you may remember, Amazon UK sold out their entire stock of A Spanking Good Life on the first day that it was published. Guess what? They have sold out again. I suppose I should count myself lucky that they are only quoting a seven to ten day waiting period this time, but that is not the point. Likewise I should be pleased that the book is selling so well, but for some reason all I can think of doing is screaming at the cack-handed way in which the Amazon book buying department operates.

Click here to put in your order.

What's the best way to spank?

Do I have a favourite spanking position to recommend? That was the question asked of me by an American correspondent, and I must confess that it set me thinking. He went on to ask if I used the cane a lot, and for a moment the seeming switch from spanking to caning puzzled me. Then I remembered that what Americans call spanking is actually corporal punishment, so I replied that I tend to avoid the cane.

I understand why some men like it, as the sight of a nubile female, bent over submissively with her skirts around her waist and her panties down to knee level, is a gladdening one to behold. The fact that the girl has obeyed the order to take up the traditional posture of submission says a lot about the man who gave her that order, but and for all that, I still dislike the cane.

It isn’t the aesthetics that I object to, rather it is the pragmatic awareness that a girl can stand up at will, and thus ruin the whole effect. She submits because she wishes to, in effect, and it is that small element of power which needs to be stripped from her along with her dignity, panties and ability to sit down in comfort for a while.

A good spanking is usually administered across the knee, but there are also other positions that can be adopted. One that I find effective is to bend the recalcitrant one over the back of a sofa or easy chair. The waist can then be encircled with the left arm to hold the kicking, squealing little madam in place, and her skirts can be lifted and panties lowered. The spanking may then proceed with no danger of the girl being able to rise until such time as her chastiser decides that she has been punished enough.

Leading on from that I once spanked a girl along a country path with the help of a rail fence. The top of the fence was only about four feet off the ground, so it was the work of a moment to lift the girl up and literally dump her over the top rail. I can remember yanking her panties down to below her knees and the way that she lay, quite submissively across the rail with not a murmur of protest. I could even remove my belt, which I then used to remind her of her place, and during the whole of the discipline, she did not make a sound, nor did she move. I asked the girl afterwards to explain what had gone through her mind and she replied that a feeling of utter helplessness had swept over her and made it impossible for her to even think of moving.

All that aside, why change what is the most time honoured and effective means of putting a girl in her place, namely a good, bare-bottomed, over the knee spanking? Think about it for a moment. By laying the girl face down over your knee you can immediately lock her no doubt scissoring legs down by putting one of your thighs over both of hers. You can then hold her body in position and at the same time tuck one of her arms behind her back and grab the other one in your free hand. The skirt can then be lifted and the panties lowered, and all the while there is nothing that the badly behaved young madam can do other than spit and howl in helpless frustration. She is in position for the correction that you have awarded to her and will remain there until you allow her to rise.

Practical considerations aside, the effect that such discipline has on the female mind cannot be forgotten. One women told me that a traditional spanking left her feeling like “a little girl,” and knowing that fact alone should be almost worth its weight in gold to any normal man.

By putting your girl across your knee you can not only correct her misbehaviour, but you can also alter her perception of herself. A few moments earlier, she would have thought of herself as a grown woman, but you have taken that away from her and left her feeling like the naughty child that she is. She will sleep on her stomach that night and probably cry herself to sleep. More importantly, though, is the knowledge that deep inside her soul she will accept that she had been naughty and naughty little girls get sent to bed with a spanking.

Only a traditional spanking can do that to a women and that is why I unhesitatingly recommend it to all good men who have difficult women who need to be kept in line. Without doubt, it is the only spanking position that works almost without fail every time.

Blog Announcement

Why the lack of postings, I hear you ask? Actually, I did not hear anything at all, but never mind - I shall answer my own rhetorical question.

I have been travelling for the past few days, which is why there have been hardly any posts this week. Looking ahead, I will be travelling over to Mexico the week after next, so putting the blog on Christmas hiatus from the 15th of this month strikes me as a good idea. For the next two weeks there will be some postings, but not as many as is usual, and then we shall go into clover until the end of month.

Now you know...

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Lisa Snowdon

This is Lisa Snowdon, and who is she, you may ask? Well, I had never heard of her but I see that she is famous for being famous, and will hit her fortieth birthday in January so is pretty close to her fuck-by date. Other than that her only claim to fame is that a fellow left a comment and recommended her for a prestigious Order of the Burning Buttocks.

Be it hereby awarded, but only because I am sloshed.

Wanky Wednesday: Crying Eyes 2

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Pippa's Posterior Bare?

Is this really Pippa Middleton, admiring her own pert posterior in that dress? The photo plopped into my in-box this morning with an assurance that it is.

Dear old Uncle Nick has his doubts, but the fuck it principle applies at times that this. So settle back and put your doubts to one side as you stroke one off, all courtesy of your favourite blog.

Janus: the end of it all

To everything there is a season, a time to be born and a time to die... As you can see from the photos that illustrate this posting, for Janus it is the time to die.

The outfit had a good run and when the magazine was edited by Alan van Ocker it led the field, partly because there was not much in the way of competition, but also because the owner, having picked the right man for the job, then left him to run the little gold mine as he saw fit. Sadly, the death of van Ocker at the end of the 1970s marked the beginning of the slow decline of the Janus behemoth.

Like many a tired empire before it, Janus carried on losing a bit here and there to competitors, until eventually the internet put the outfit into its death spiral. It managed to keep going because of the shop and the company's willingness to sell pirated copies of everyone else's videos. On my trips back to the UK I would always go into the Janus shop and see which Moonglow videos were being pirated that year - it was truly one of the highlights of my England trips.

I remember in about 2005 asking one of the Chuckle Brothers who worked behind the counter if they ever planned to put their back catalogue on-line? I was amazed to learn that Janus did not keep its catalogue and nobody actually knew what had happened to the old photos, artwork and stories. Probably for this reason the new Janus website is reduced to offering overpriced PDF scans of the magazine in the hope of pulling in some cash from the nostalgia brigade.

Certainly looking at the website with its broken links and content that would have been cutting edge twenty years ago, but now appears sad and lifeless, I think of the final spin of the roulette wheel on a table that nobody is playing on anymore. The words of  Shelley seem appropriate:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away".

Still Rocketing!!!!

Yesterday I posted that A Spanking Good Life had reached to about the number 47,000 spot on the Amazon Kindle rankings. I was pleased about that to put it mildly.

Well, today the book has clocked in at number 16,593 and I am seriously ecstatic!

Just to remind those of you who live in London that I will be signing copies of the book on the 30th of this month at the Central Station bar in King's Cross. Be there, or be seriously square.

A Spanking Good Life Rockets up the Amazon Rankings

The Kindle version of A Spanking Good Life has rocketed up the rankings to number 47,551 on the British site. That is a long way from the top, but the book is still less than a month old. To put it into some kind of context, I am behind Niki Flynn's Dances with Werewolves which ranks at 33,034, but I am already way ahead of Peter Jones and his True Confessions of a London Spank Daddy which is languishing at the 55,079 spot. Remember that both those book have been out for several years, and in less than a month I can leave one eating my dust and am within touching distance of the other.

Mother and son

I was in the local Tescos the other day and a youngish mother was having an off day with her toddler.

"You want your bottom smacking, don't you, David? That's what you are after, right here in the shop, and over my knee. Shall we go and let mummie sit down on that chair so she can get herself comfortable for her bad little boy?"

On and on it went with the mother laying it on with a trowel and the little brute just grizzling by way of reply.

The though occurred to me that thirty years down the road he might be paying out good money to hear a speech like that, and there he was getting it all for free, but was he grateful?

Of course not!

Wanky Wednesday: Unbridled Youth

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Bradley Richard: Plod Pincher

You have to admit that there are certain actions that deserve maximum respect and pinching a policewoman's bum is certainly one of them. OK, she was not a real copper, rather one of those Mickey Mouse types that they call dirties - 'cos they are not real filth - but the principle still holds.

So maximum respect to Bradley Richard, 27, for his actions earlier this year. Also maximum respect to him for his refusal to plead guilty to the ludicrous charge of sexual assault that could have seen him forced to sign the sex offenders' register! When the case came up yesterday the prosecution managed to talk the plodette into accepting the lesser charge of common assault, by pointing out to her that the "global perception" of a pinch is not that of sexual assault. Very well, the language may have been convoluted, but in simple English it was pointed out to the brainless bitch that no court would convict a man on such a serious charge for nipping a rump.

We at Urzodwn Hall firmly believe that there is only one thing worse for a pretty girl who has had her bottom pinched, and that is for a pretty girl never to have her bottom pinched.

As for Bradley Richards: nice one mate!

The day Mary Churchill was spanked, part two

A couple of weeks ago I ran a report of Mary Churchill's July 1942 spanking at the hands of an American soldier at a dance. The Prime Minister's 19 year old daughter was in the Auxiliary Territorial Service, the forerunner to the Women's Royal Army Corp, where she served in an anti-aircraft battery. The spanking was seen by an American journalist who fed the story to the New York Times who ran it on the 1 August 1942 and from there it went out on the wire services. The Churchill archives are held at Churchill College, Cambridge, and there is a box of files relating to Mary's paddling - so I contacted the college and arranged for copies of those files to be sent to me. They make fascinating reading...

On the 3 August, the British embassy in Washington sent a long cable to London giving a summary of the account. At the bottom of the cable are the words "Unseen elsewhere so far." That cable was passed along to the Prime Minister's office by the duty officer at the Ministry of Information, with a handwritten note which read:

Herewith the answer from New York. It does not appear to have had much publicity.

Obviously someone in London must have asked the embassy to check the New York Times report, which means that they must have known about it, but those files are not in the Churchill Archive. Equally obviously, given the replies, the question must have related to the publicity that the story was attracting.

The information that London was getting was not entirely accurate since the papers were picking the story up all across the USA, but they were printing the report and then letting the story die - it wasn't attracting all that much attention.

Why the government was worried appears in the final note that went out from the Prime Minster's office on the 6 August. The reason why the government was worried had nothing to do with saving Mary's blushes and everything to do with the war effort. Put simply, if the story acquired wings, then "it might have a discouraging effect on mothers of possible recruits for the A.T.S."

The Ministry of Information did not feel that they could ban the story, and were worried that a request to ignore it could just lead to newspapers deciding to dig it up and ran with it. The best that the ministry could offer was to keep an eye on the papers and see if anyone ran the story, then call the editor and try and have it removed from later editions. Compared to the way that news is managed these days, it was a  curiously amateurish approach to controlling the news, but it worked. The British press did not pick up the story, and to quote from the final line of the note:

No further action is required and the papers may be put away.

It should be noted that nobody in all of this seems to have cared all that much about the fact that the Prime Minister's daughter had recently had her backside warmed up in public by an American soldier! The matter just was left to rest, presumably with everyone thinking that mouthy young 19 year old girls really do need to be taken in hand as and when needed.

Love Our Lurkers Day

Today it seems is the sixth annual Love Our Lurkers Day, when spanko bloggers post something to reassure the ninety-nine percent of our readers who never comment that we really do care about them...

Now comes the tricky bit: writing that I love you all without cracking up.

Sorry, folks, but I cannot manage it. To all you lurkers out there, leave a comment from time to time to let me know what you like and don't like about the site. Second guessing you all the time based upon a fluctuating hit counter is not the easiest game in town.

Other than that, as you were!

On Multitasking

Contrary to the received wisdom, men are actually rather skilled at multitasking. It takes an incredible amount of skill to fuck anything in skirts and keep all the women blissfully unaware of each other.

Wanky Wednesday: Inmates 2

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A Spanking Good Life: Availability

I have good and bad news on the book availability front. If you are in the USA then relax as Amazon have stock in hand and can deliver in the usual time. In Britain things are a bit more complicated. Amazon UK are quoting up to eight weeks for a delivery, but never fear because the Book Depository have 130 copies in stock and can deliver in just a few days.

What has happened is a technical problem with the presses, and when that is fixed a small order like this one will just have to wait its turn as the big boys get their orders delivered first. An American firm has been contracted as an emergency, and Amazon UK will ship in stock from them.

I am trying to sort out my supply of books to sell at the London munch on the 30th of this month. All being well, people should be able to pick up a signed copy at that event.

A request from kindly old Uncle Nick

I looked at myself in the mirror, turned my head from side to side so that I could consider my features from every angle. Although I am no oil painting, try as I might I cannot see myself as a cunt. It is obvious that other people do see me that way, because cunts are there to be fucked and they are trying to fuck me. This posting is a gentle plea for them to cease, desist and generally nark it.

It all started last Thursday - yes, it's as recent as that - when a girl rang me up and we ended up having a spot of phone sex. Well, she had the phone sex, as I was having a shit, but never mind that now. The thing that turned her on was A Spanking Good Life, which is fair enough, since it was partly written as pussy bait. Anyway, she had her climax, I got a posting for the blog, and both of us were happy with that. However, since then no fewer than three girls have been in touch, all seeking discipline and all expecting to get away unfucked from the experience.

Part of me thinks that this is all rather sweet, and then the realist in me kicks in and a nasty voice tells me that the little mingers are trying it on. One little darling even had it in her little mind that I was going to drive all the way to Nottingham, rent a hotel room, smack her bottom for being the naughty little girl that she is, and then leave having done my paternal duty. This whole concept of Uncle Nick as a cunt that all and sundry can fuck is so double plus ungood as to be unbelievable.

Girls, what can I say? Just nark it, OK?

Getting the priorities right

What is left to be said? For most people it was a major crisis meeting, but  Silvio Berlusconi managed to lighten the atmosphere with his obvious admiration of the rear end of Argentina's President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner at the Cannes summit on Thursday.

The delights of phone sex

Every morning I perform my ritual of breakfast, newspapers and then heroic shit. I take both my mobile phones, the house phone and a book to the lavatory, settle myself down with the handsets splayed around, read the book, and let whatever is inside me pass freely forth. I am sure that all men would agree with me when I say that a good crap is the second best bodily function that a man can have.

So there I was, patiently waiting for my thing to happen when a text arrived on my kinky phone:

"R U the writer of spanking good life?"

I replied that I was and a flurry of texts were then sent backwards and forwards, with the girl on the other end eventually announcing that she felt "really sexy" and did I want to play? Before I had time to answer another text arrived with a number and the words "call me." Nice guy that I am I did just as I had been asked and got to speak to Sophie, who sounded like a mid-20s type of girl.

"I am wet," she told me without any preamble.

"Good," I replied. Have you got a toy?"

"Yes, my bullet vibrator - want me to use it?"

"Yes, imagine it's my cock, driving home inside you."

So off she went and from the sound she was making she was obviously having a great time.

"Can you hear me? I am doing it, " she squealed. "Are you playing with yourself?"

It was not my fault, ladies and gentlemen. It was the Devil's fault! He was sat by my side whispering wickedness into my ear, and doing things to my bowels. For just at that moment, a sphincter wrenching turd of monumental proportions began to leave my  innermost workings and make its way out to the open air. I took a deep breath and prepared to experience the nearest equivalent that a man can have to the act of giving birth:

"Aaaah!"

"You are doing it! I can hear you! Me too!"

"Yeees," I roared as gravity took over and the arse widening turd began its descent into the bog bowl.

"I am loving this,"  Sophie yelped. "Tell me what you are doing."

" I am with you," the Devil made me mutter. "With you all the way, and ready to shoot."

"Come with me! Come with me! Let me hear you!"

I exhaled deeply and Sophie took that as a sign that I had shooting my load, and a minute or two later, and accompanied by a lot of squeals, she reached her moment of joy. Then without further ado she hung up and that was that!

To be honest I don't mind a bit - just so long as Sophie doesn't object if she reads this and discovers that instead of shooting my load I was actually dumping it.

A Spanking Good Life, sells out!

Amazon UK  managed to sell out their entire stock of A Spanking Good Life on Monday, the first day that it was available in this country. Don't get me wrong - I am seriously chuffed that people are buying my epic of amatory and disciplinary delights, but having to answer e-mails from people who want to know when it will be back in stock is difficult because I don't know myself.

What seems to have happened is that the printers ran off a preliminary lot of books which everyone assumed would be enough to meet demand until the full run could be printed, collated, packed up and sent off. That was not the case and everyone is now standing around, waiting for the new copies to arrive.

The best bet is early next week, but if that changes then I shall immediately report the news here.

Wanky Wednesday: Crime at St. Thomas' School

 

Today's totally free Wanky Wednesday download is The Crime at St. Thomas' School, a real trouser-tightening, zip-busting, cock-throbbing piece of spanko porno. Download the video, unpack the lube and settle back to stroke one off courtesy of your friendly old Uncle Nick!

The day Mary Churchill was spanked

The Daily Telegraph reports that Mary Soames, the last surviving child of Sir Winston Churchill, has finally written her memoirs. I wonder if the spanking she received in the summer of 1942 from a certain Bill "Feets" Adams features in the work? Bill was the proud owner of an enormous pair of hooves and Mary teased him about them at a dance, so Bill put her across his knee and administered a spanking. By all accounts it was not the soundest spanking a mouthy young madam has ever received, but thirty or so smacks, in public, is not something that she is likely to forget - so does it feature in the book or not?

We know about the event because a New York Times reporter was on hand and his story was picked up by the news wires and ran across the USA. The story features what must be the best quote of all time when one of the participants stated the bleeding obvious that Mary "seemed embarrassed" by being put across the knee of a man she had only just met and then having her bottom smacked in front of a cheering crowd of onlookers.

Funnily enough, the spanking even reached British government circles, with some quite senior civil servants discussing whether Mary's paddling should be kept out of the British press or not. I have not seen any accounts of the event in the British papers, so it probably was censored. Quite why they wanted to do that is unclear, so I shall contact the library at Churchill College, Cambridge, and have the files photocopied and sent up to me. Stay tuned for further details.

In the meantime, according to the review of Mary Soames' memoirs, the lady has been assiduous in keeping a diary since she was 12 years old. If the book does not refer to the spanking then it must be that the authoress is still embarrassed by it almost 70 years after the event - a spanking that served its purpose, obviously!

Knocking me for six

I was chatting to Raven last night and she commented about a woman in South Africa who uses her real name and photos on her kinky Facebook page. I replied that my photos were genuine too, even though I use my pen name on the site. Pulling heavily on her cigarette, Raven replied thoughtfully:

"Yes, but you don't give a shit, do you?"

There are times when women leave me speechless: that was one.

A Spanking Good Life is out as a paperback!

A Spanking Good Life is now available via Amazon.com in the USA as a paperback for $17.95. Cheap at twice the price, says genial old Uncle Nick.

It has also arrived at Amazon UK for £13.99, but other sellers have it at a seriously reduced price.

Please buy it!

Wanky Wednesday: Gestapo 2

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Return of the Sugar Daddy

Much to the annoyance of the BBC - and presumably the liberal middle class who are its main consumers - the sugar daddy is making a comeback in a big way. An American company is planning to bring its sugar daddy parties across the Atlantic, parties that allow middle aged chaps to meet sweet young things. And it is interesting that the number or girls attending outnumbers men by a considerable amount at those events.

At this point some jealous females who feel the sands of time ebbing away will go into catty mode and say that the girls are only after the money: tell me something I don't know, says kindly Uncle Nick. The guys are after the tight young pussy and the felines want the money. These are matches made in heaven...

Actually, it is a bit more complicated than that, if you think about it. Throughout history, men and women have treated marriage as a business transaction and it is only fairly recently that the emotion nonsense has been allowed to get in the way of a good deal being cut. A young woman offers her beauty, household skills and fecundity to an older man, and in return he gives her status, comfort and protection as the wife or woman of a successful man. Obviously there has to be an understanding that the women must be faithful since the agreement hinges upon his acceptance that the children of the union are his and not some other man's bastards. Nevertheless, this arrangement whereby each partner brought into the union their respective offerings is one that has lasted down the millennia.

It still exists in most of the world, but in the west it was thought to have died. Today, however, as the wheels are about to come off the runaway train that is globalised capitalism, the more intelligent women are casting around for a lifebelt, which is why the idea of a sugar daddy suddenly seems as if its time has come around again.

Writing as a man, the future looks interesting from our point of view, doesn't it, chaps? I am a newly published author, which gives me a modicum of status, but alas I do not have any money. On the other hand that allows time for today's little girls to reach their late teens or early twenties by the time Daddy Nick has repaired his fortune and is ready to receive them.

Then it will be:

Come here, you naughty little girls: you know that you deserve this!

A Spanking Good Life is out as an e-book!

A Spanking Good Life is now available as a download for the Kindle. You can get it at Amazon.co.uk for £9.33 or if you prefer to pay in dollars, then Amazon.com has it for $14.89. Don't ask me how those prices came to be set - I only wrote the damn thing!

The paperback should be available in a week or two, in the meantime get your Kindle copies from the above links.

Sean Connery: spanking man!

I was chatting to Raven about Sean Connery a while back and she reported that he makes her knees go weak. I wonder how she feels about him now that it has emerged that he is a spanking man?

It is interesting that Barbara Walters who carried out this interview some years ago clearly tried to embarrass Connery with the question and failed quite spectacularly in that aim. Something which she implicitly admits at the end when she points out just how long Sir Sean and Lady Connery have been married.

You can tell a book by its cover - at least if it's mine!

Here it is, folks - the front and back cover of A Spanking Good Life. I must say that I like it; a simple design that tells the reader what the book is going to be about. Not a subtle cover, but not so vulgar or in-your-face that people might not want to have the book on their shelves. All in all a good piece of graphic design, in my humble opinion.

Needless to say, I keep going back and looking at it...

A Spanking Good Life; the front cover

Here is the front cover of my book - what do you think? 

The ball is now back in my court as I have to do a final proofread of the manuscript and then we are ready to rock and roll! I will send the final corrections in over this coming weekend, and with luck the book will be available from Amazon by the middle of November. The ISBN is 978-1-61098-190-3.

I am within touching distance of being a published author!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan, you have persistently and wilfully broken the terms of your probation and this court has no alternative but to award you a sentence that will remain in your mind long after the marks have left your bottom. It is the judgement of this court that you be taken immediately to the punishment room and there given 12 strokes of the senior cane across your bare bottom. Take her down...

If only it were thus. As it is all we can really do is award this insolent young madam an Order of the Burning Buttocks and hope that word of it gets through to her and that it encourages her to mend her ways.

Guest Posting: The Slut

Do you have a story to tell? Whether it is fact or fiction, just send it to me at strictuncle@gmail.com, and if I like it  I will gladly publish it here.

This fantasy was written by Venus de Minuit from London. She can be contacted on venusdeminuit@gmail.com: 

I broke into your house last time, but this time the door is open. I walk into your bedroom. I’m wearing a tiny skirt, ankle socks and high heels. They’re red and shiny. I stand in front of you as I suck on a lollipop. You raise your eyebrows. You’re older. This makes me want you more than before.

I walk past you and I sit down in the chair in the corner of the room. You don’t look very impressed with me. I open my legs and you can see I’m wearing tight, white knickers. You can see the shape of my pussy through them. I look at you, sulkily. You take me in slowly from head to toe. We’ve met before, you smile. I’m wearing a white top with no bra on and you can see my nipples are hard and sticking up under the material.

We look at each other. Come here, you little slut, you say. I come over and you pat your knee. I sit down on it and you groan. I cross my legs and dangle my shoe from my foot. I want to fuck that little cunt of yours, do you hear? I nod as I look into your eyes and suck on my lollipop. You look down at my heels whilst you rub my thighs. You’re such a little fucking tease. And you’re a dirty little bitch. Hungry for my cock, eh? I nod, eagerly. Back to your chair, bitch, you growl. I sit down, and open my legs slowly. I continue sucking and licking my lollipop whilst we look at each other. You’re a little slut but I know you’ve got such a sweet little pussy, you smile.

As you look at me I move my fingers down to my knickers. I start to rub myself through them. No, not this, no, you sigh. You shake your head. Stop it, you dirty little bitch. I move my hands away and you can see a wet patch on my knickers. Fuck sake, you mutter through your teeth. You come over to the chair. You kiss me tenderly. You run your fingers slowly over my tits. Take your knickers off and open your legs, wide. I do as you tell me. I want you so bad, I whisper. Yes, I know, you smile. Your cunt is quite a demanding little cunt. I’ll have to deal with it.

You pick up some small clamps from the desk. They have metal teeth in them. You walk over and bend down between my legs. You open me and I sigh as you rub slightly against my clit. You put three clamps on each of my pussy lips. I flinch as you put on each one. This will help to keep that greedy little cunt under control. Oh fuck, I whisper as the pain grows and wetness starts to dribble out of me. You sit on the bed and watch me. Rub that clit, you dirty little bitch. I finger myself and move my clit hood round and round and back and forwards. Fuck, it hurts. Fuck. The mix of the pain and my erect clit makes me want you even more. You smile. You undo your belt and tell me to stand up and turn around. You need a good seeing to first, so stick your arse out. Up in the air. That’s right.

You start to whip me with your belt. The pain makes my head spin and my cunt wetter. You count three strokes and then you rub my cheeks. You give me three more. You tell me to sit down. You kiss my wet eyes. You kneel between my legs. Mmmm, let me have a taste of this naughty little pussy, you whisper. You lick my clit with long strokes and tongue fuck me. Delicious little cunt, you moan as you eat me. You take the clamps off my pussy lips and pull your cock out. You kiss each of my heels and put my legs over your shoulders. You want my cock, eh, you greedy little bitch? You start to fuck me really hard. And then you fuck me really slowly. You bend down to kiss me gently. You know that this is the best way for me to deal with you, you say into my ear. You kiss me hard, your tongue down my throat as you push into me. Rub it, you dirty little bitch, you whisper. I look at your face as I rub my clit. Your cock is so hard in me. You watch me come as I look at your eyes. They start to close. You fuck me harder and I kiss you as you sigh into my mouth. I feel you push your orgasm inside me. It makes me want to come again.

 About Venus de Minuit:

I am a sexual explorer, fantasist and dream visitor who is compelled to share my experiences with you. Everything written here has been experienced or felt. I cannot write it if I don't feel it.

My writing is for everyone that I meet every day and for anyone who wants to know me. All the ordinary people with worlds below the surface.

I am all at once sexually extraordinary, ordinary and very, very sexy.

Wanky Wednesday: Ancient Regime 2

Say what you like about the Eastern Europeans, but they sure know how to lay on the cane:

That is certainly true of Mood Pictures from Hungary, where the buttocks are stripped and whipped, and the girls whimper pityingly:

Download Ancient Regime 2 by clicking this link!

Yet More Foolish Facebook Girls

 

I have said it before and I will say it again: there is something about girls, cameras and Facebook that makes every girl seem to want to be an exhibitionist. Take these firm buttocked lovelies as a case in point. God knows who they are but I know what needs to be said to each and every one of them:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Yulia Tymoshenko

At the suggestion of a correspondent, an Order of the Burning Buttocks is hereby awarded to Yulia Tymoshenko, of Ukraine. Alas the award cannot be administered for at least seven years because that's how long the lady has been sentenced to prison on corruption charges. However, when she gets out, then here is one large Slav rump that needs to sting.

Normally I don't bother about the lands beyond the Oder-Niesse Line that are known collectively as the Great Slav Wasteland, but there is something about Yulia that makes me want to break my rule.

Maybe it is the ludicrous hairstyle - a fake, by the way - or the sense of arrogant entitlement that the bloody woman had until her recent downfall. Whatever the reason, the only thing that remains to be said is:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

On being an (almost) published author

The contract for my book arrived on Friday and has now been signed and is ready to be returned to the American publisher. This means that A Spanking Good Life should be available to buy from Amazon at the end of November.

I went along to a council run internet cafe and printed up the contract. I showed it to the women behind the counter and told her what it was. Her eyes lit up and she started asking questions twenty to the dozen, questions which I thought it politic to evade, given the small town and its mores.

Still, it was quite a delight to be the centre of her world for a moment or so and I am now quite looking forward to attending the odd munch and dropping the information that I am about to become a published author into the conversation.

Let's hear it for naked news!

This has nothing to do with la cosa nostra, but it has seriously tickled my funny bone so I am running a clip here. Naked News is a Canadian based outfit which presents the news in a rather different way to everyone else.

I don't care what people say: it really is a man's world, isn't it?

More Thoughts on Stupidity

Last night's posting led to some interesting responses,  with a fellow from Newcastle writing in to say:

I read your blog; so its not just me who comes across girls like that !!!!!!! I was told by one that she did not want to betray him... Funny that she was naked and very wet but that is not betraying him..... My finger don't count as a sign of betrayal?

A London reader wrote in to say:

I have stopped meeting girls through Facebook. They either do not turn up or they come out with nonsense like this...

Another man wrote in to offer his congratulations, so that makes three private comments to one posting, which is a record of some kind for the blog. Quite why none of them left their remarks in the comment box is unclear, but all of them insisted that if I did post their words then I should not identify them by name.

It is nice that a post strikes a chord, and it does appear as if my experiences are common across the board. To a certain extent that is understandable: women are a manipulative bunch and they get juicy at the thought of forcing men to bend to their wills. The question is why are so many of them getting away with this game? Surely if a submissive woman runs into a dominant man, then he should be calling the shots? 

Sorry, but I am blaming the fellows here. Far too many of you are doing nothing more than role playing and you may be very, very good when you adopt your headmaster's persona, but it is nothing more than an act and the women can see right though it, so of course they can take you for a ride. You deserve it.

Far better to stop playing games, remember what your balls are for, and then stop taking shit.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Pippa Middleton Yet Again!

What can we say about Pippa Middleon that hasn't already been said a thousand times already? Here she is in a nice but pretty boring pose on the left, but look below and see her in all her provocative glory.

Pippa you are a saucy young madam. Now come here: you know that you deserve this!

Thoughts on Stupidity

Yesterday was a fairly rotten day with a depressing amount of rain that was made worse by a depressing amount of female stupidity. To add to my irritation, when I related my tale of woe to Raven Red all I got were hoots of raucous laughter and demands for more information.

A woman in her early thirties e-mailed me from the East-Midlands and following a very brief exchange of mails she rang me on the telephone. Her number was withheld, which is a good sign that she was being serious about all this. The story she told was of a need for discipline as a father disciplines his little girl, and I was only too pleased to slap the phone on to the speakers and chat to her whilst my sausages, bacon and beans were crackling away in the pan.

I was just about to toss a couple of slices of bread into the pan to fry 'em up in the grease when a thought came to mind, which I hastened to share with madam:

"I wonder how it will be when you are all nice and subdued? Will I be looking at your face, all tear-stained, or admiring my handiwork on your rump as I have you doggie fashion?"

There was a sort of pregnant silence at that moment, which I took to be a pause for thought whilst she considered the situation, but I was wrong, wasn't I?

"What type of woman do you think I am?"

"Well, the type who needs her bottom smacking until she is nice and well behaved and ready to be fucked by me."

That was it. Fucking Chernobyl had nothing on that minger as she went critical. I was abusive, a complete shit, I wanted to take advantage of her - fellas, you should have heard the dialogue, it was straight out of a soap opera. I did try to tell her that she did not need to worry as I was not looking for a relationship as I have been involved with Raven for quite some time now. A quickie would be fine by me, but do you think she was mollified by that? No, of course she wasn't.

It was obvious from her comments that madam had gone into manipulation mode and was trying to make me defensive so that I would start apologising and she could then press home her advantage, but I am far too old a dog for that:

"Listen, darlin', nobody is forcing you to do anything that you don't want to, but if you don't do as I tell you then trust me, if you catch fire, I won't cross the fucking street to piss on you to put the flames out."

I was trying to be nice to her and explain the situation, but she sort of began to make funny noises in her throat, so I gave up trying. Funnily enough, as I recounted the tale to Raven it was at that moment that she almost choked on her coffee, so I guess those words marked the climax of the conversation as it were.

She calmed herself down a bit and muttered something about having watched the videos through and through. I pointed out that the videos do not show the shaggings that took place after the shoots were over, but she could trust me when I say that all pussies were stretched. Again, I was just trying to be nice, but she sort of wailed:

"That's not what I need, and you have no right to force me to do what I don't want to do."

That was pretty much when I gave up. If the stupid woman could not understand basic English what more could I say? I  said goodbye to her and that was that.

Now this is not the first time that this stupidity has hit me. As I pointed out to Raven, I am getting sick and tired of brainless bitches trying to get me to dance to their tunes. That is one of the reasons why this archive site was set up last year as a way to warn off these little airheads. My theory is that they watch my videos, read what they want to read in the blog, and then write a sort of script with me as the stern but caring daddy who will correct their wilful behaviour more in sorrow than in anger.

What they are doing is role-playing. They write their script and then get into role and expect me to take up the role that they have written for me. Once the play is over, we all take our bows and leave the stage. Raven added to that the notion that I had never considered before which is that these women are engaged in a fantasy, which obviously has sexual connotations. However they don't think that far ahead so when they are brought face to face with that reality by my words, they run - or respond with aggression.

Well, girls, guess what? I don't play, and this is how I am all the time. If you want a strict daddy then there are any number of fellows who will play according to your wishes. However, get involved with me and you do as you are bloody well told and when you cross the invisible line then you get your backside warmed before being taken to bed.

Wanky Wednesday: Free Lupus Videos

I don't know how long this link will remain live, but at the moment it gives access to five full length Lupus videos! Click on over there and grab whatever you fancy, says kindly old Uncle Nick, who is really keen to get the Wanky Wednesdays off to a flying start!

Book Review: The Romance of Chastisement

The Romance of Chastisement; or, Revelations of School and Bedroom, by An Expert.

Delectus Classics of Erotic Literature, £19.95

This is one of the great underground classics, so it is to my eternal shame that I have to admit that I have only just read it. And I call myself a libertine...

As the scholarly introduction to the facsimile reprint of the 1888 edition makes clear, this work was originally published by John Camden Hotten in 1871. Hotten was famous for both his pornography and his thievery, being a man who would cheerfully pirate someone else's work, give it a new title and then publish it himself. Thus the version of how this work came into his grasping paws must be treated with some caution. A Nineteenth Century bibliographer, quoted in the introduction, claimed that a thousand copies were printed in Dublin and that Hotton bought 200 to sell in London. I am dubious about that claim since the work appears to be a compilation of short stories which may have circulated in pamphlet form in the London porno circuit of the day. The notion of Hotton paying for 200 copies is also highly unlikely - more probable would be him buying once copy and then pirating the rest. Since no complaints have come down to us of Irish publishers seeking redress, and since there is no record of the other 800 copies, the most likely explanation is that Hotton cobbled the work together himself from some already existing pamphlets.

To be fair to him, if that is what happened then he chose some rather nice works to print up in hardback form. The Romance of Chastisement is full of sweet young ladies who find themselves upended to feel the kiss of the cane or the birch rod's tickle across their bare bottoms. Victorian Pornography was expensive and was written for an upper class readership, so the work is literate and filled with Latin bon mots and French sentences.The modern reader is not going to get turned on with any Victorian work because tastes have changed so much over the last century, but The Romance of Chastisement is an amusing and well written excursion into the mind of the Victorian male.

Is it a must have for your collection? Yes, I would say that it is. The fact that it is so well written means that you can have it in your book case as a conversation piece if nothing else.

Raven's First Anniversary

Raven Red's blog is celebrating its first anniversary this weekend. Hard though it is to believe, but the good lady has been emoting now for 365 days. Please get over there and give her your good wishes.

September's Munch

Yesterday being the last Wednesday of the month about twenty of us all turned up at the Central Station bar in King's Cross for what has now become a regular afternoon munch. As regular readers will know your friendly correspondent is not into playing, so was quite happy to sit on the terrace bar glugging alcohol and chatting to all and sundry on that gorgeous afternoon with temperatures in the 80s.

I have Skype installed on my mobile so I called Raven Red in South Africa and then handed the 'phone around so that all her friends could speak to her. That done I settled back to drink another beer...

That said, there was a rather nice looking charmer in a tea dress who was sat chatting to two men and when the three of them went downstairs to the cellar I gave them five minutes to get into the swing of things and then wandered down to see what she looked like bare buttocked and undergoing correction.

They had her bent over, black panties down to her knees, and hands fixed to a St. Andrew's Cross that is a wall fixture. The session left her bottom a fiery red and standing directly behind her I was treated to the delightful sight of moss that glistened with late afternoon dew. I smiled and made the obvious assumption that one or the other would mount her, but they seemed to be content with increasing the fire in her bottom rather than extinguishing the one that had been lit between her thighs. 

I worry about the young people of today, I really do.

Glancing to my left I saw a young Japanese girl on her knees unbuckling the belt of a man of a man in his very late 50s who was standing in front of her. Thinking that she had been instructed to provide him with a postprandial desert as it were I wandered over to cast an eye over her blowjob technique. Alas for you, gentle reader, but she was preparing him for a spanking. 

So it isn't just the younger generation who I need to worry about...

How not to pull pussy

I was on the tube yesterday travelling into central London. A young mother was stood next to me with her baby in her arms, so I suggested that she sat down on the free seat next to mine. She misheard me and thought I was asking to hold the baby, which is why I ended up having a ten month old delight plonked onto my knee. She touched my moustache and was fascinated by my glasses and I bounced the little bundle up and down and made her giggle. When I looked up every woman in the carriage was smiling sweetly at me.

I remembered that 16 years ago I had been on a bus in Mexico with my eldest who was then just two years old and a girl had watched me playing with him and had then held him in her arms. We started chatting and the next day I bedded her, and since then I used each baby son as he arrived as pussy fodder, so I decided to chance my arm with a likely looking miniskirt on the tube yesterday.

As I go up to leave I gave her my card along with my self deprecating smile. she smiled rather nicely and I figured that it was a racing cert for a jump, but alas instead of the nice vanilla card I gave her the kinky one with the BDSM triskale which made her eyes widen:

However they almost fell out of her head when she turned the card over and read my quote from John Wilkes on the back:

She hasn't called me yet...

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Female Exhibitionists

I have mixed feelings about female exhibitionists who enjoy flashing their wares to the delight of their male audience. Part of me enjoys a good perv, but I am fully aware that this is prick teasing of the highest order and such behaviour cannot be allowed to go unpunished. So to all female flashers out there:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Telegraph Censors "Commando" Pippa!

 

I cannot believe this! The Daily Telegraph gave its perving punters a report on Pippa Middleton's alleged commando moment at the London Fashion Week and then they decide to pull the piece. The story was ridiculous, as I demonstrated when I found the photo and ran it here - that's it reposted on the left. As you can see, perky Pippy is wearing her nicks like a good girl should and I pointed that out in the comment section to the piece and then sat back whilst the hit counter went through the roof. For two hours the hits just flooded in and then the story was culled and my dreams of a record breaking day died. 

Not to worry, as just to show all my new readers what a nice fellow I am, giving up my weekend with no thought of reward and all that, at the top of the post is yet another shot of Pippa flashing her gash for your perving pleasure, and on the right and below we have a very nice shot of Kate giving us a leer at her backside, rather fetchingly clad in yellow knickers. Don't ask me who the bald cove is walking with her.