Spanks For The Memories Front Cover

Here's the front cover of Spanks For The Memories, my new book which is due out in a couple of weeks. Come back tomorrow to read some of it right here on this very blog.

What's it about? Well, what it says on the tin, it's my memories of the porn trade since the 1970s with particular emphasis on the spanking side of it.

We will look at duplicating machines and the thugs who owned them along with the spanking magazines of the day. Coming forward we will look at Antonia du Bois and the early CP videos to say nothing of an Alitalia air-hostess who got more than she bargained for when she did a CP shoot. Then it's on to the spanking parties before we finish up by looking at the whole social media scene of today.

Unlike my earlier works this one will only be available as an e-book, but it will be issued in all the main formats as well as PDF for those of you who want to print it out yourselves.

Double baggers are useful after all!

The Law of Unintended Consequences has come up trumps for me right now. At the end of last month I had a blazing row with a lump of lard in a pub. That's her pictured on the right in the photo, and  trust me when I say that you don't want to see the face. Anyway, after the verbals ended I wrote about the incident that night as it gave me an easy posting. A few days later I realised that my clips' site sales were going through the roof and checking my statporn I saw that it had become wankable indeed. Hard though it is to believe but the argument had led directly to a healthy bank balance.

I don't normally read the various fora where the argument is being misrepresented, but following an e-mail from someone who does I went a-searching and was delighted by what I found. In a nutshell various types are trying to curry favour with the creature that I had the altercation with, obviously in the hope that by slagging me off they might gain access to her in some way. Yes, I know, the thought revolts me as much as it would any normal fellow, but these men are a bit sad to put it mildly.

The point is that some of these dickheads are seeking to make their case by sticking up links to that earlier posting of mine. What they don't realise that there is no such thing as bad publicity and for every precious soul who clucks like a lobotomised hen at the blog there are any number of others who read the threads on these fora, click idly on a link because they find the whole discussion tedious in the extreme, and land on this blog. Then they go off and buy one of my trouser tightening, cock throbbing, early 1980s spanko porn vids!

The end result of all this is that I was able to take Raven out to dinner on Saturday night, and then to lunch at a very nice three starred Michelin eatery on Sunday all courtesy of dickless dwarfism. I hope that the weekend was as profitable and enjoyable for the dwarfs who are acting as my unpaid advertising agency, but suspect that it wasn't. Never mind, as I hear that they are planning a remake of Deliverance and if the company needs some authentic extras I know a few genuine inbred retards who would be perfect:

Weekending: Africa Google

Have a great weekend and we'll see each other next week!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Olvido Hormigos Carpio

An Order of the Burning Buttocks is hereby awarded to Mrs Olvido Hormigos Carpio, a Spanish primary schoolmistress, local politician and porn star. The porn star bit is accidental because she made the video for either her husband or lover, depending upon which version of the tale you believe. Either way it leaked to the web as these things will and now Olvido is an ex-politician.

Somebody should tell these silly girls that if you make a sleazy video that it is almost certain that someone will leak it to the web so that the rest of us can have a good old perv.

Since nobody else seems willing to take this saucy young madam in had it falls to me to say:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Stephanie Ruhle

That's OK because I had no idea who Stephanie Ruhle was either until I saw the video of her flashing the old upskirt for the perving pleasure of the multitude.

I suppose that this financial journalist could argue that the producers insisted on the high stool, but the short skirt is hers alone and it meant that she had to keep her thighs jammed firmly together - until she decided not to which is when we got the flash. When will the Newsnight presenters who wear similarly short skirts treat us to a similar display?

In the meantime, and for not knowing how to sit properly, we award a sound Order of the Burning Buttocks to Miss Stephanie Ruhle:

Now come here, young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Fat Bastards

Why do fat bastards think that people take them seriously? I am not talking about the Roy Chubby Brown characters:

No I am talking about the genuine fat bastards, the types that I run into, the ones who volunteer for video work without realising that if we put them in front of the camera the audience will think that the Carry On team are back at work.

The scene suddenly seems to be full of these lumps of lard and I wish that it wasn't. A generation ago it was made up of chaps who had experienced a good war and who believed that the smack of firm government began at home. And if they enjoyed tanning a secretarial backside or wifely rump that was just an added bonus.

Now we have creatures with lank hair that you could fry chips in, who wear sweat pants because the drooping sack of blubber that they call a belly will not fit into any other pair of strides and who give off the rank, goatish odour of the truly repulsive.

And they think that women are attracted to that. Dear God, it's enough to make a normal man turn to drink.

Weekending: Spanking Advert

I used to wear Van Heusen shirts!

Dealing with double baggers

I try to understand women, I really do. I said that to Raven on the way back to the hotel after yesterday's barny, but all she did was guffaw in a strangulated kind of way. I tried to explain to her that the problem is that no matter how hard I try I just cannot get my head that far up my fucking arsehole to make sense of them which was when she started slapping her thighs in glee and yelping that I had just proved her point. Since I seem to be having trouble explaining my quite reasonable view to just about everyone these days, let's take the matter nice and slowly.

As a young fellow I took the view that I was quite happy to drink beer with any man and shag any woman. As an older man I am a bit more discriminating, or at least I need a couple of pints inside me if presented with a double bagger, that is to say a  creature so dog ugly that not only does she need to wear a brown paper bag but so does the guy shafting her in case hers falls off. Certainly I am less likely to even pretend to be nice to such a dog, especially if she needs to shed a few pounds to boot.

Thus it came to pass that yesterday I allowed myself to be provoked by a rather nasty piece of pussy that I should have just ignored. My excuse is that I was stone cold sober and in that state I would not have touched her with yours never mind mine, so I didn't really care what I said - and I said plenty, most of it obscene but all of it very enjoyable.

I suppose the moral of this tale is that if you are a double bagger best to wait until I am sloshed before provoking me as my dick may then decide that you are worth a ride. Thus I will  bite my tongue, even though my eyes are provoking my stomach to heave.

Alternatively, we could all just ignore such creatures, click on this link and find something nice to settle down with. You know it makes sense!

Weekending: A right booby

See you next week!

Book Title: Spanks For The Memories

The new book that is currently being edited will be called Spanks For The Memories: the Spanking Scene since the 1970s, and the publication date has been firmly set for the 1st December this year. 

You may remember the competition that I ran to come up with the title, which was won by Philip with that rather nice zinger. My thanks and congratulations go to him. I will be writing to Philip later today to find out exactly how he wants the dedication to read, and of course he will be getting a free copy of the work just as soon as it appears.

The Pippa Middleton Attraction

Conversation overheard at a breakfast table near you:

"Henry, the Telegraph's reporting something about that Pippa person that you like. Seems she's written a book. I wish I could understand all the fuss."

"Really? Pass the toast, Amelia."

"Yes... So what's the attraction?"

"Well, m'dear,  Katie is the quintessentially good girl that everyone likes, in a head prefect sort of way, but Pippa... Well, she's the naughty little minx that we all want to take in hand. I was saying to George at the club just the other night, that she was not too old, and all the chaps sort of nodded."

"Really, Henry?"

Yes, pass the marmalade, Amelia."

Vampires and Spanking!

Edgar, Laird MacReiver, had never regretted his decision to wed Isobel, daughter of Clan Kilburn’s laird…until she bit his tongue and drank his blood. Will tying her hands, spanking her rump and making her come tame the wild child of the infamous vampire clan?

Or are some women too dangerous to tame?

I nearly fell out of my chair when the above news release arrived in my in-box. A spanking vampire story had to happen sooner or later, folks, and this one looks like its a gem. 

If you want to read it then Amazon UK have the e-copies, at a very reasonable 77p and in the USA it's available from the company's American base.

Classic 1980s spanking clips here!

Is This The End Of Men?

You cannot open a newspaper this week without reading about Hanna Rosin's new book, The End of Men: And the Rise of Women. Before we go any further, here's a money saving tip: whenever you hear of a new academic thesis being touted in hardback, always look for the original journal article that started it all off. That way you save a shitload of brass and get the full thesis delivered up in its purest form, without all the padding that gets added to fill a book. Who in their right minds ever invested in Francis Fukuyama's The End of History when The End of History? - note the question mark - is available all over the web? 

The Rosin Thesis has it that the economy has changed fundamentally and that women are better adapted to those changes. Thus they are taking over in the workplace and leaving men with their dicks in their hands, unable to cope. It is a lovely, all-encompassing idea, which shares one thing in common with that of Fukuyama at the end of the Cold war: it is total, complete and utter bollocks.

Fukuyama had it that history as a process leading towards something in the Hegelian sense was ending with the triumph of liberal, global capitalism. He argued that no competing world system would emerge, an idea which the rise of political Islam makes untenable. Fukuyama thought that he was putting forward a pan-cultural idea, but in reality it turned out to be a thesis that was only valid in the West, and perhaps only for a limited period as Western influence declines in the South of our planet.

Hanna Rosin has the same problem. She thinks that because the western economy  now has more use for compliant women instead of argumentative men that this makes for sea change in the way that the rest of the world will behave. That they will suddenly become just like us in other words, which is the trap that Fukuyama fell into.

The rest of the world will continue to treat us as effete losers, to be ignored as western military power declines with our economies. In Russia when a chap wants a secretary he might decide to invite applicants to flash their tits for the camera, with the girl who has the nicest pair getting the job. Eastern Europe believes firmly in the old notion that promotion comes via nepotism, cronyism and corruption, with the devil take anyone who is fool enough to be honest. Women will quite cheerfully take the horizontal road to success, as they do in Latin-America, a region that has a lot in common with Eastern Europe in terms of its social mores.

The military and economic declines of the west go hand in hand, and as first Greece and now Spain fall into an economic abyss, the notion that the western way offers anything useful to the lusty barbarians who live just over the borders must seem foolish to them. Given that they breed and the western middle class does not, the notion that tomorrow will belong to today's girls strikes me as risible. As risible as the notion that the working class men who are now dismissed as Chavs will lift a finger to help, come to think about it.

Tomorrow will not be like today, but it will be uncommonly like yesterday. Now then, let me look for a new secretary...

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Weekending: IT Gilrs

Females and IT - who says that the two don't mix?

Have a great weekend, folks, and we'll see each other next week. 

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Kate & Pippa Middleton: Tit Contest

Okay, folks, it's pretty obvious that this is an attempt to boost the old stat porn, but so long as we are all happy with that...

Which Middleton girl has the nicer tits, Kate at the top or Pippa down below?

I must be honest and say that the pair of 'em have pairs that are a bit on the small side. If like me you enjoy grabbing a bouncer in each hand, sticking your head between 'em and saying "Brrrrrrr," then you are going to be disappointed with those knockers.

On the other hand there is enough for the rider to grab hold of as he spurs his chosen filly down the final furlong to glory.

Waity Katie, or Perky Pippa - which one carries the set for you?

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Book Cover Tales

Do you like the covers to Good Times With Girls? I do and that is why I chose 'em. The one on the top is for the paperback version and the lower photo shows the front cover for the e-book. That way you can tell which version you are reading... Ahem...

I wish that Amazon would get it though their heads that these two version exist and stop using the e-cover for the paperback as well. I suppose that the problem with these on-line companies is that actually getting to speak to a real live human is not the easiest thing in the world.

Wish me luck at getting the problem sorted out - but don't let it stop you buying the book in either version!

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Order of the Burning Buttocks: Kate Middleton, Again!

What are we to say about Kate Middleton? When she is not flashing the old upskirt for our perving pleasure she is strutting around naked at some French holiday resort or other.

Consider these photos as a case in point. Above she is shamelessly showing her knickers as she climbs out of a car, allowing us a rather nice pussy glimpse it must be said.

On the left as she walks with Baldin' Billy she allows her skirt to float up in the breeze, thus giving us a shot of rather nice yellow panties

This is a terrible way to behave and we at Uncle Nick's College for Wayward Young Ladies have no hesitation in awarding her a damned fine Order of the Burning Buttocks, well laid on!

Come here, young lady: you know that you deserve this!

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Weekending: Turd World Titters

This is why we call it the third world, because it is so third fucking rate as this shot from Dubai Airport proves!

See you next week.

Kate Middleton's Bare Bottom Photos

The Kate Middleton bare bottom shots are starting to come out thanks to Se Og Hoer, a Danish magazine. No, I don't know how you pronounce that either, and I suspect that you sneeze it.

Why cares? Thanks to the Danes for giving us a shot of a very smackable bottom indeed, and who will be the first to let us see the full frontal view?

The people demand their perving pleasures!

Book Title Competition: Win A Free Copy!

Do you want a free copy of my next book, along with a mention in its dedication? If so, all you have to do is come up with a title for it. The one that I choose wins the prize so best of luck to all of you. I aim to get it out by November so we do not have much time, and thinking caps need to be firmly in place on noggins.

The book will look at how the spanking scene has changed over the past forty years or so and look ahead to the future. We start off with my time as a writer in the 1970s and 1980s, followed by one which will give a behind the scenes look at video making in Britain and Mexico. Then we look at how the scene began to change with people participating more, and the changes in spanking parties will be used as a case study. Originally they were like cabaret performances, but now they are very much a hands on event. Finally I want to consider the world as it is today, which is to say the blogs, Facebook, and the growth of self-publishing, all of which have made for a much more participatory scene than was the case when I started all those years ago.

It will run to about 20,000 words, and I have not yet decided if it will just appear as an e-book or whether I shall print it up as a booklet as well. 

Drop me a line with your suggestions or leave a comment in the box.

Good luck!

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