On hearing the old. old song...

If I had a pound for every time I have heard this old favourite I would be a rich man by now. It's the whining lament, sung in plaintive tones, of the wannabe who can't understand why he is unable to find a girl to spank. I think that Gillete was singing about such tossers in this rather amusing little number featured above...

As I always tell these clowns, finding a girl to spank is similar to putting a cart before a horse. Does it not make more sense to find a girl and then spank her? Thank you - I thought so! All you have to do is find yourself a girl, wait until she misbehaves, warn her that the next time she annoys you she will pay a trip to lap land. Of course annoy you is what she will do and then you pull her over your knee and live up to your promise. On the other hand she may decide that a roasted rump courtesy of your fine hand is not what she wants in which case she can take her hook. Gentlemen, this is not rocket science, is it?

Do I sound out of sorts? That's because I am, and the reason for my lack of good humour is that this level of idiocy now seems to be afflicting the female of the species as well as the male. I dunno, maybe it's something in the water.

The lovely Scarlett put up such a posting only yesterday, in which she asked how she could find a boyfriend who would spank her when needed? Let me think... I know! She can go out with a man and start letting her inner little minx out. The chances are she will find herself across his knee in pretty short order, just as this old girlfriend of mine did when she pulled such stunts on her previous boyfriend. As you can see from that story, it isn't just me who upends 'em when they deserve it.

Leading on from that I am reminded of the time when Raven actually told me that someone or other had gone to the trouble of warning her about dear old me. The circumstances have passed from my memory, but I think it had to do with the supposed lack of consent surrounding my spankings. Actually of course if you have read this post up to now then you will see that my right to spank every woman that I haver laid across my knee has been conceded implicitly by her. I warn and always give time for the girl to ponder her situation. She can leave me if she wishes, but if she remains then sooner or later she will be upended.

Or the warning may have been about my archive site, but that has nothing to do with my life as a spanking man and everything to do with the fact that few people are ever stupid enough to want to fuck with me. Well, few men that is, and no women at all. Otherwise I fucking crucify them. The site means that I don't have to anymore as it does serve as such an awful warning...

Enough of this merry banter: if you want a spanking relationship get yourself into a relationship first and then see if it can be turned to your satisfaction. Girls, don't look amongst the ranks of the North London wankerati  (do you like that word? I just made it up!) Find yourselves a good, socially conservative northerner with a thick leather belt and a willingness to use it when you don't toe the line.