Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Spanks For The Memories: The Caning Machine Story

As promised yesterday, here's the first selection from Spanks For The Memories, my new book which will see the light of day early next month at the very reasonable price of just £2.99.

This excerpt which follows deals with the Caning Machine story, something which porn merchants still chuckle over whenever it is repeated - which it is, frequently. Being a cuddly sort of cove I have included the actual clip which shows the girl leap to her feet. There is a jump cut at the 45 second mark which is when she did her runner. The rest was shot about an hour later after they had calmed her down.

Read, enjoy and remember that the full book is chock full of laughs like this:

Amusing disasters do seem to follow the spanking video trade around, come to think about it. I suspect that one of the reasons is the sheer number of honest English eccentrics that abound in it ranks. One guy decided that what he really wanted to have was a caning machine, so he set to work and built one. It was a wonderfully Heath-Robinson contraption that involved a cane being held flat on a table by a spring. The cane had to be pulled back by hand and there was no trigger mechanism so the operator just let go at the appropriate moment, whereupon the cane was flicked forward to administer a stroke to anyone who was bent over next to the table. Does this sound like a sensible idea to you? 

This weird and wonderful contraption had its first and only outing in a mid-1980s video called, with amazing originality, The Caning Machine. The rather pretty girl on the receiving end was actually an Alitalia airhostess who doubled up in CP videos in her spare time, by the way. The machine unleashed its cane across the naked girl’s buttocks causing her to leap around and scream blue murder. She grabbed her clothes and fled the set in a high temper, but was persuaded to return to complete the final scene. If you watch the video you can see there is a jump cut almost immediately after the cane cracks across her bare bottom and that was the point when she did her runner. 

The girl refused to take any more from the machine, so that final scene was ad-libbed to make it appear as if she was only due to receive a one stroke caning, anyway, and on that ridiculous note the video ends, but not the story. The girl then left and for reasons that are still unclear decided to go to the police who promptly raided the set where another video was being shot. Everyone was taken off to the nick, where the Italian girl was waving her arms around, stamping her foot, and generally giving a performance that would shame a local amateur dramatic society. Matters dragged on for some time because every copper in town felt constrained to come along and inspect the seat of the injury as it were. I am sure that you will understand that this was necessary in the interests of gathering evidence, or something. However, once it became clear that there was no case to answer, as after all she had agreed to the shoot in the first place, the cops, cast and crew all went off and got gloriously drunk together. 

 Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you in all seriousness, could anyone make shit like this up? 

I'll post another excerpt tomorrow!

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