I was walking along the Upper Richmond Road with a belly full of beer and my trusty walking stick in hand to give some stability to my dodgy legs when a 20-something girl hared towards me on her bicycle. She was obviously not going to stop and assumed that I would get out of her way; a big mistake on her part.
I was about to brace the walking stick horizontally in front of me as protection, when at the very last moment she swerved to one side and ran past me. The guy who was with me said that she had a look of utter fury on her face because someone had the temerity to force her to slow down. In the north, only kids get on two wheels, but here in London it seems to be a lifestyle choice for the urban middle class - and my guess is that madam came into that fairly loathsome subspecies of humanity.
She stopped about twenty yards past me, obviously to recover her composure, and I took the opportunity to say in a goodly voice that the fine for riding on the pavement is up to £300, but she had more to fear from the spanking that I would give her than the courts. Then, without further ado, I turned and made my way back to the house, feeling all happy inside.
As my companion said, say what you like about Uncle Joe Stalin, but there was not a whiff of trouble from people like that in his day.
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