Royal Wedding Blowjob Photo and More on Pippa's Posterior

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Royal Wedding Honours go to Pippa Middleton!

Great Royal Wedding day with the honours going to Pippa Middleton for her delicious posterior, wonderfully encased in a sheath dress that hugged her figure to perfection. Prince Harry seemed to think so as well if his crotch grabbing moment is to be believed. Let's face it, what man wouldn't want to get his tackle in order if he had Pippa's posterior within smacking range? 

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Pippa Middleton

Today is the big day for royal wedding fans and it provides a perfect excuse to run one of the few upskirt shots of Pippa Middleton that are kicking around the web. Unlike Kate Middleton who seems to enjoy showing off her panties at every opportunity, little Pippa has so far managed to save her snatch from the public gaze.

That said, she is a perfect minx with a saucy cast to her elfin face that is just begging someone to tun her over and administer the spanking that everyone knows that she deserves.

Come here, young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Anyone for a public spanking?

There's a lot to be said for public correction, I suppose it's all to do with the humiliation factor being at its highest.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Sophie Raworth

The latest Order of the Burning Buttocks is awarded to Sophie Raworth, for having legs that go right up to her chin. Such a saucy young madam deserves to be upended as a matter of course as it is good for her soul as well as providing pleasure to her disciplinarian. As Aristotle noted in this comment box, she has been on TV interminably recently mouthing off about the royal wedding, and the thought of her nursing a well smacked bottom the next time she appears is a thought to savour.

Come here young lady, you know that you deserve this!

The Wives of Spanking Husbands' Club

Raven Red turned up this quite fascinating account from the Los Angeles Times of the 26 January 1938 about the wonderfully named Wives of Spanking Husbands' Club, and its lovely offshoot, the Daughters of Spanking Parents. Raven thought that someone had created a fake newspaper and she asked me to have a look at her scan, which I did.

If you enlarge the main page on the left you immediately see the Library of Congress sticker which covers part of the newspaper title. It is possible that someone went to the trouble to fake such a small detail, but my guess is that this is a genuine scan of the Los Angeles Times for that date. Looking at the story, my eye was drawn to the fact that it was not written by the Times, but is an agency report - in this case the Associated Press, hence the AP initials after the headline and date. All the Times did was scan the agencies for a short story to fill some space on their page. The paper had form in the 1930s for its spanking stories as just a few months later it ran an account of how a father spanked his 34 year old daughter, so that is yet more evidence that the page has not been faked.

Does that mean that the story is true? No, of course not, and my guess is that someone was hoaxing the Press Association. The report tells of a woman named Rita Rae with an address noted as "general delivery." That means that you wrote to her care of the main post office in her town and she would pick up her mail at the office. Rita claimed to be the president of the Wives of Spanking Husbands' Club, but if that organisation really existed would she not have used a real address for it? We are talking about a group that claimed to have fifty-nine chapters across the country, when all is said and done.

Secondly, the AP account relies totally on that letter which seems to have arrived at their office one fine morning. As the story says, everything hinges on Rita's "own figures" as to the club's membership and the like. Clearly this is a quick story that was cobbled together from a letter which the AP office in South Dakota found interesting that day. They put it into a story which they sent out over the wires to the agency's subscribers and the Los Angeles Times ran with the tale - but that doesn't mean that  any of it is true.

Which is a pity because it is a lovely tale and the notion of  "Spare the hairbrush and spoil the wife" is one that most of my readers will agree with.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Kate Middleton

I award the Order of the Burning Buttocks to Kate Middleton, for her seeming inability to decant herself properly from a car without giving us an upskirt shot of moss and early morning dew. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dewy moss, but you would have thought that given her expensive education someone would have taken the trouble to teach the girl how to sit properly without providing a peep show to nasty little pervs like, well, us.

That said, it is a good shot, isn't it? I even took the trouble to enlarge the target area for you so that you can see the pussy lips without having to squint. Just think: Prince Billy will be spreading those luscious lips on Friday. Let's hope that he gives her two: one for him and another for all of us at this blog.

Merry banter aside, Waitie Katie is a very naughty girl indeed for flaunting herself like that and we know what happens to naughty girls don't we?

Come here, little girl: you know that you deserve this!

Want to meet Raven Red in London?

The delightful Raven Red will arrive in the UK at the end of July and will be here until mid-September. She has asked me to tell you that she is interested in a few one2one sessions with suitable gentlemen who may feel that her bottom is in need of attention...

She is thinking of doing about three paid sessions during her time over here, the first one being in London on the 28th, 29th, or 30th of July. You will need to book a venue - a hotel or the like - and her fee is £200 for the hour. The second session has already been booked, but a third is available in Northern England during the final week of August.

Why is she doing this? Partly because she finds the idea exciting, but let's be honest the rand is not the hardest currency these days and her air fare is calculated in pounds sterling. On the subject of money, what can you expect for yours?

Raven is 45, and weighs in at about 14st or a 100 kilos if you prefer new money. She stands just over five feet tall and has green eyes and dark red hair - hence her name on the web. She worked in the financial services sector for years and is now a very senior figure, operating one step below boardroom level, for a South African based conglomerate with international interests. Trust me when I say that if you want to take her to lunch after your session is over then you will be delighted by her quite charming and sophisticated manner.

She won't dress as a schoolgirl because she finds the idea risible and couldn't keep a straight face. On the other hand, putting a senior executive across your knee and paddling her bare bottom until it is the colour of her hair should please you - and you get all the bragging rights in the world. She has been caned but is dubious about receiving it from someone that she doesn't know so you might want to think about the hand or tawse for this session.

What's the next step? Well if you are interested then write to me as I have agreed to filter out the oddballs and chancers looking for freebies. I can provide you with answers to most of your questions, and then if you are still interested, and always assuming that she has not been booked, then your mail will be passed along to Raven.

strictuncle@gmail.com

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Carole Middleton

The latest Order of the Burning Buttocks goes to Carole Middleton, mother of Kate Middleton, Prince William's bride to be. Described as "pushy, rather twee and incredibly middle class" by a Buckingham Palace insider, this charmer manages to embarrass and irritate in equal measure - consider the way that she dumped the couturier who had spent four months on her wedding clothes just weeks before the big day if you want an example of Old Mother Middleton's style, or lack of it.

The problem with this frankly rather nasty female is that she comes from a long line of equally nasty social climbing creatures. Her maternal grandmother was known as the duchess owing to her airs and graces in the Durham pit village where she lived at the end of the Second World War, and Carole's mother, Dorothy, loathed it if anyone ever called her Dot.

So what do we have? A woman who is laughed at by both the working class who recognise a jumped up member of their own and an upper class that can spot a social climber a mile away.

Come here, madam: you know that you deserve this!

Pomlazka: whipping females in the Czech Republic

Today is Easter Monday and don't you just wish that you lived in the Czech Republic where females of all ages are routinely whipped today?

The men and boys of an area make rods called pomlazkas out of willow branches which they cut from trees themselves and then braid into a disciplinary implement which looks a little like a birch rod, but one that has a nice ribbon at the business end.

The fellows then go from house to house hitting the girls and women across the backsides with their whips. They are then given a shot of vodka and off they go to the next house and the whole thing turns into an exercise to see who can keep walking without falling over. One woman's happy account of the day's events can be found here, which is where I got the video, but two other women who have less than happy memories of the day have left their stories here and here.

There are various explanations as to the origins of this tradition, the most plausible being that the willow is a symbol of fertility, but I reckon that this is a symbolic way to remind women and girls of their place in the great cosmic scheme of things. 

Now that is something that all readers of this blog should support!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

With less than a week to go before the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, this blog is now in full royal wedding mode, with the lights burning bright at Urzdown Hall as a team of bright-eyed young miniskirts scour the web for anything sleazy that can be remotely linked to Prince Billy and Waitie Katie's big day.

In honour of this momentous event we award the Order of the Burning Buttocks to wedding guest Tara Palmer-Tomkinson who did this twirl two years ago to reveal a very smackable rear end; one that was covered but not protected by a pair of delightfully frothy panties.

Tara is 39 now but she can still give a fellow a nice blue-veiner when she chooses, and looking at this photo our guess is that she chose to do just that two short years ago.

Come here, young lady: you know you deserve this!

Spank and Wrestle

American professional wrestling has become a major supplier of spanking clips. Obviously none of these spankings are intended to be taken seriously, they are a bit like the wrestling in that respect, but they are amusing to watch. Here's the lovely Trish Stratus in tight jeans getting a couple where the jeans are the tightest.

Hidden Camera Spankings: The First Girl

 

People, I cannot in all honestly decide if these clips are genuine or not.  My gut instinct is that they are fake, but enough people that I know and trust tell me that they were made in about 1981 for his own pleasure by the man doing the spanking. He then went on to make spanking videos and at some point after a shoot had been wrapped up he mentioned, probably in the pub, that he had these videos of two girls that he had disciplined at work. The rest is history as they say.

It's a lovely story that I want to be true, but even if the videos are fakes then the spankings are still worth watching, especially this one. The girl wriggles deliciously as her panties are taken down and struggles helplessly to avoid the hard male palm as is cracks across her defenceless buttocks to leave them a fiery red.

Your cock is telling you to click this link

Introducing The Spirit

Are you having a nice Easter Saturday on this sultry day in late April? I am feeling to lazy to do a proper post so I thought that this video report from Playboy TV might amuse you. The Spirit is the nickname of an American spanking artist whose work can be found all over the web, and this report by Kira Reed gives you an up close and personal insight into the man and his work.

Hidden Camera Spankings

I must be honest and say that I cannot guarantee that these two clips are genuine, but there is a strong suspicion that they are. The guy was well known in the early days of spanking videos as he appeared in quite a few of the those classic epics. The story is told that he was an office manager in real life who used to spank female members of staff and he rigged up a camera so that his activities could be recorded for posterity. At some point he changed companies and released his video soon afterwards. 

One bit of evidence points to this being genuine and that is that the girl's face is never clearly seen. If this had been a fake then surely the pornographer directing the thing would have made sure that her face was seen because the viewers love watching a girl's face when she is in distress. That doesn't happen here and one possible reason is that this was an authentic bit of office discipline that was captured on a secretly installed video camera thirty years ago and later released to the general public.

What do you think?

TV Spankings: Laços de Família

Laços de Família is yet another one of those Brazilian soap operas that featured rather a nice spanking, and which luckily was dubbed into Spanish for the international audience, hence I can tell you what is going on.

Well, sort of, because understanding the dialogue doesn't explain who the participants are. The man is obviously not the girl's father as she calls him Pedro. He is not her husband either since she disapproves of his wife, and it is her choice of words about the woman which leads directly to her spanking.

Pedro tells the girl that he plans to put her on an aeroplane home, but she tells him that she lives with her sister and there is nothing he can do to get her out of that house. She then goes on to taunt him about the state of his marriage and how unhappy he is and that is a provocation to far for Pedro who promptly upends the girl and smacks her pantied bottom as shown.

My own personal aubade

April come she will... Fifteen years ago I fucked three women on one hot April day in Mexico. There was the wife in the morning and then her cousin, who happened to double up as my mistress, in the afternoon. She owned a commercial college and in the early evening a student named Xochitl found that fucking had been added to the curriculum of her secretarial course. Not that she needed much instruction as she went like a steam engine, but I do remember teasing her that the bill for my services would be added to her monthly fees. I also remember that she pestered me to take her somewhere or other and I was too fagged out to want to bother, but she wouldn't shut up so I had to give her a spanking. It is strange that I have always remembered my three fuck day but the fact that one of the women ended up across my knee had quite slipped my mind.

I can't do it these days. Fuck like that I mean. I discovered that sad fact in Cuba back in 2005 when I spent the afternoon with a rather nice sound recordist who worked for Cuban TV and then an achingly lovely museum attendant fluttered her eyelashes at me and just as I went over to her I realised that it would be a waste of time. My only wad of the day had been shot... I was getting old... I tried to console myself with the thought that I had enjoyed the sound girl very well indeed, but that is not the point, it is not the point at all.

A few months ago I told these stories to my eldest son and he looked at me in amazement. Then he told me quietly that he could not imagine being my age and having a cock that doesn't work to order.

He will have to get used to that fact of life, just as I will have to accept that Philip Larkin was right all along, the bastard:

Aubade

 

I work all day, and get half drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
– The good not used, the love not given, time
Torn off unused – nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never:
But at the total emptiness forever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true. 

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says no rational being
Can fear a thing it cannot feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear – no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round. 

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no-one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood. 

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house. 

PHILIP LARKIN (1985)

Cinema Spankings: el Charro y la Dama

Rosita Quintana collected two spankings from Pedro Armendáriz in the 1949 Mexican epic el Charro y la Dama.

The first one comes about when the couple arrive at a deserted stables looking for a place to rest for the night. Rosita goes to look around and it all looks horrible to her, but Pedro tells her not to worry as they can bunk up together in the stable. He then gives her his saddle and tells her to take great care of it as it is his very best...  After the six smack spanking Rosita rubs her rear end and tells Pedro that he must be more of a gentleman with the ladies, and he retorts that he is indeed a gentleman with the ladies...

The second spanking comes right at the end of the film. Rosita touches her scarf which Pedro has around his neck and asks him if he is wearing it so that people will know that he is a ladies' man? Pedro replies that there was never any doubt of that, and Rosita retorts that actually there was until she took a hand. As the film ends Pedro upends her to administer yet another correction, this time for her smart mouth rather than her foolish deeds.

TV Spankings: Gata Salvaje

Just when you thought that it was safe to return I hit you with yet another Latin-American soap opera. This one is called Gata Salvaje or the Wild She-Cat, and if you think that the production values are even worse than is usual in these epics then you are right as this load of old tosh was made in Venezuela.

The couple in this scene have a daughter and the man is shouting that the woman can marry some other fellow if she wishes, but cannot take their child with her to live with him. As part of the argument the man tells her that she is a stupid cat - obviously a reference to the title of the series - and that sets her off. He then grabs the woman and lays her across his knee for the spanking...

Now, he has one arm in a sling, but still manages to hold the girl down for the correction, and have you noticed how his hand lingers on her bottom after each smack? Like I said, this is Venezuela and their television makes Mexico's output look credible and sophisticated.

The best bit comes near the end when his mother asks him why he hit the girl and he replies that he didn't hit her, he gave her a good spanking - and he waves his hand from side to side with the palm up to indicate just that. Then he pats his mother on the rump and tells her that it was only a little spanking...

Bingo!

The Second Acuarela del Amor (Caras e Bocas) Spanking

Here is the second spanking scene from the 2009 Brazilian soap opera Acuarela del Amor, dubbed into Spanish so I can understand it.

Judith is the villainess of the series and she has managed to take control of her mother's bank accounts and credit cards. The mother tells her that she has been brought up very badly and Cássio, who lives in the same house as the mother, adds that she needed a spanking as a child, but since she didn't get one then he will give her one right now!

Alas he does not spank her either hard enough or long enough because Judith is fuming when he lets her up and she threatens him with a law suit. The creep in the white shirt offers to help her file the action and the wimp in the suit offers to be a witness. At that Judith really loses it, mocking him for just standing there whilst she was being hit, and Cássio then adds "on your bottom, as you deserved, my little girl," at which point Judith looks set to commit murder and her secretary has to step between her and Cássio. The clip ends with the mother telling her daughter that she should have been spanked years before.

All in all rather a nice spanking and one that is made even more interesting by the fact that it is a mature women who is receiving correction from a very young man.