A Spanking Good Life

I have just finished my book... No, I have not just finished reading one, I am saying that I have now completed writing one. It is quite a feeling to pretty much have a whole manuscript stored on the hard drive of this computer; my thoughts and words, about 55,000 of them, all original to me. I feel a similar sensation to the one I had when my sons were born - joy and pride all mixed in together.

What is the book about? Well, you know what it is about, it is about la cosa nostra. On one level is is a work of erotica that aims to titillate and please its readers, but on another it is my memoirs, so the stories contained within A Spanking Good Life are not works of fiction, they are real events that happened to me and to the women that I have been laying over my knee for 40 years with the first spanking being administered in 1971.

Forty years of spanking is a lot, but it is also forty years of fucking as well since there is no finer fuck than a freshly spanked female. The accounts start in the Manchester of the 1970s and very early 80s, before moving to Oxford before finally ending up in Mexico and Cuba for the period 1990 to 2010. I hope that you enjoy reading these erotic memoirs when they are published.

If they are published... I do not actually have a publisher and I don't have any contacts in the legitimate publishing trade. I have decided against going down the self publishing route since if the manuscript is any good then someone will take it up, I suppose.

Can anybody give me any advice as to publishing houses who may be interested?

On hearing the old. old song...

If I had a pound for every time I have heard this old favourite I would be a rich man by now. It's the whining lament, sung in plaintive tones, of the wannabe who can't understand why he is unable to find a girl to spank. I think that Gillete was singing about such tossers in this rather amusing little number featured above...

As I always tell these clowns, finding a girl to spank is similar to putting a cart before a horse. Does it not make more sense to find a girl and then spank her? Thank you - I thought so! All you have to do is find yourself a girl, wait until she misbehaves, warn her that the next time she annoys you she will pay a trip to lap land. Of course annoy you is what she will do and then you pull her over your knee and live up to your promise. On the other hand she may decide that a roasted rump courtesy of your fine hand is not what she wants in which case she can take her hook. Gentlemen, this is not rocket science, is it?

Do I sound out of sorts? That's because I am, and the reason for my lack of good humour is that this level of idiocy now seems to be afflicting the female of the species as well as the male. I dunno, maybe it's something in the water.

The lovely Scarlett put up such a posting only yesterday, in which she asked how she could find a boyfriend who would spank her when needed? Let me think... I know! She can go out with a man and start letting her inner little minx out. The chances are she will find herself across his knee in pretty short order, just as this old girlfriend of mine did when she pulled such stunts on her previous boyfriend. As you can see from that story, it isn't just me who upends 'em when they deserve it.

Leading on from that I am reminded of the time when Raven actually told me that someone or other had gone to the trouble of warning her about dear old me. The circumstances have passed from my memory, but I think it had to do with the supposed lack of consent surrounding my spankings. Actually of course if you have read this post up to now then you will see that my right to spank every woman that I haver laid across my knee has been conceded implicitly by her. I warn and always give time for the girl to ponder her situation. She can leave me if she wishes, but if she remains then sooner or later she will be upended.

Or the warning may have been about my archive site, but that has nothing to do with my life as a spanking man and everything to do with the fact that few people are ever stupid enough to want to fuck with me. Well, few men that is, and no women at all. Otherwise I fucking crucify them. The site means that I don't have to anymore as it does serve as such an awful warning...

Enough of this merry banter: if you want a spanking relationship get yourself into a relationship first and then see if it can be turned to your satisfaction. Girls, don't look amongst the ranks of the North London wankerati  (do you like that word? I just made it up!) Find yourselves a good, socially conservative northerner with a thick leather belt and a willingness to use it when you don't toe the line.

North West Mounted Police spanking Update

Back in April last year when the blog was only a few days old I ran the spanking clip from North West Mounted Police. Now I have discovered that Cecille B. de Mille who directed the epic was a man who believed in giving his actors a hands-on vision of what he wanted them to do. Here he demonstrates to all and sundry just how he wants to see  Paulette Goddard spanked:

Order of the Burning Buttocks: the slappers

The Order of the Burning Buttocks is today awarded to the slappers of this world for being, well, slapperish in their behaviour. Take these two as a case in point. Someone really should tell them that less is more and often what you can't see is more enticing to a man than something blatantly displayed.

TV Spankings: Balaz

This is Balaz, a Hungarian TV show in which female participants get their bottoms smacked, either by members of their own families or from a team of three blokes who walk in at the appropriate moment to take the girl over the knee. Normally I edit clips down to remove the talk, but since I haven't got a clue what is being said I have left these three intact, contenting myself with joining them together to make one clip and sticking a title on the beginning. In the unlikely event that anyone around here speaks Hungarian, would they provide a translation?

Two For The Cane

Here is another little delight from the Golden Age of video spanking. Two For The Cane stars the two girls that eagle-eyed observers will remember from What Bottoms Are For. In this short clip their bare bottoms are thrashed most severely, with plenty of close-up shots of their faces as the cruel crop hits home across their defenceless buttocks.

Your cock is telling you to click this link!

A footballing moment

Any ideas as to what Fabio Capello is saying here?

The Law of Unintended Consequences

Raven Red told me a story last year which for some reason has been preying on my mind for the last couple of days. I'll tell it to you and hope that someone can come up with the reason why the events she outlined keep on playing over and over again in my mind.

A relative of Raven's divorced her husband and was given custody of their daughter by the court. The woman then remarried and the girl who was about 16 at the time began to do the usual thing that 16 year old girls do these days, namely stay out all night getting fucked left, right and centre. Eventually in exasperation the mother told her husband to take the girl in hand and he did, with knickers down for a spanking that lasted an eternity. Then, the following day, when the girl started screaming that she was leaving he threatened her with a paddle and when she said she was going to the police he reminded her that he was a cop and that there is one law for him and another for her. It was at that point that rationality kicked in and the girl enlisted her father's help and within a day or so she had gone to live with him, which is what should have happened in the first place.

The problem here was a lack of legitimacy. The man was not the girl's father and had no moral right over her at all. Neither was he her husband or lover in which case by continuing her relationship with him she would be consenting to being under his hand when needed. This looks to me like some thuggish cop getting his jollies off with a nubile girl and nothing more. Luckily she managed to get out from under him and has not spoken to him since leaving the mother's house. Now, about five years later, mother and daughter speak to one another I believe, but I doubt if relations are really what they should be. Hence the Law of Unintended Consequences, with a mother who tried to bring her daughter to heel and ended up almost losing her instead.

Now then, why is this story in my mind so much these past few days? I hadn't thought about it at all since Raven first related it to me almost a year ago.

Any ideas?

Naughty Ruler Time

An on-line sex toys retailer has been in touch with your favourite loving uncle, seeking to divert him from the one true path. They were  told that Uncle Nick is not for sale - but  can be rented for the half hour or so if the price and product are both right.

Looking through their selection of bondage toys I was taken with the naughty ruler pictured on the left. I imagine that it would be great if you were into roleplay, obviously the scenario being that of the strict schoolmaster, walking up and down the rows of desks and bringing the ruler down on the knuckles of the truly indolent. Given that this is roleplay it might not just be the knuckles that come in for the treatment either.

Guest Posting: Julia's first marital spanking

This is a guest posting by Julia Dillingham, a Facebook friend who hails from Colorado in the USA. She currently lives in North Carolina.

 The first time I was spanked as an adult was when I was 29 and I was sitting in my Colorado bedroom with Cari my sister-in-law, talking and getting bored. My late husband John who was the same age as me and her husband Walter were at work and his parents had gone out for the evening. I had had enough of being bored and got the wonderful idea to jump in my little Mazda Sundowner truck and head up into the mountains. Cari whined that it was getting dark, Walter wouldn't like it, but I laughed it off and off we went. She told me the guys would not like it and my reply was that we would be back well before they get home. 

Yeah right! we went to a little off the road area where I use to go before I was married. Just a spot by Clear Creek Canyon in Colorado. We sat and watched the sun go down and just talked. I forgot my watch so I had no clue as to the time. when we started to tire out we got back into the truck and headed home.We stopped in Golden Colorado and got something to eat. I did  call home and leave a message on the answering machine. Yes I knew they wouldn't probably get it and I could always erase it when we got home and therefore no one would know we had even left. If they did happen to get home before us they would have no reason on earth to worry about us. See? I took care of everything!!! Or so I thought!!!! We went to Pizza Hut and lost track of time once again. We finally decided it was time to go home. 

As I turned into the driveway Cari gasped and began to cry. I looked at her as if she had lost her mind. UNTIL I saw that not only were our In-Laws home but both the guys cars were there as well. I still was not sure why Cari was so upset. As I pulled in the driveway the door flew open and out stamped two very angry looking men...Our Husbands!. I still did not know what the big deal was.Walter got to the truck first , opened up the door and said the 4 words that to this day will turn my legs to jelly and make my bottom start to tingle!!!! BEDROOM!!! NOW!! YOUNG!!! LADY!!! As I watched her RUN for the house All I could think of was... W.T.F.. Suddenly my door was yanked open and I was swept out of the truck and tossed over John's shoulder and carried into the house and into my bedroom. I was then set on my feet and glared at.

As I yelled John just crossed his arms and continued to glare at me. I told him I did not know what the big deal was as Cari and I were together and after all I did call and leave a message. It was about this time I heard Cari's cries and what sounded like slaps coming from their room. I stopped in my tracks and just looked at John and then the door and back at him. Again I was confused. W.T.F. was happening to her? I started to go to the door to help Cari only to hear that low growl he had when he was mad and was told to STOP RIGHT THERE YOUNG LADY!!! I spun around and asked him what was wrong with Cari... He just smiled and said she was getting spanked just like I was about to. I just laughed at the thought...

I guess my laughing at the thought was just about the last straw as far as he was concerned.. I was grabbed and my top was yanked off and my bra followed. I am not sure where my shoes went but next thing I knew my shorts were down and he was pulling me over his knees. Where the brush came from is a mystery to this day. After several swats my panties were pulled down and off. I fought him but he was bigger than me. He shifted and put me back over his left leg, trapped my legs down with his right leg and the spanking was back on. It seemed to go on forever. I have never felt such pain or such rage boiling up in me. After about 10 minutes of this he let me up. Lord I was Mad. I stood up spun around and punched him in the face. That was a dumb assed move on my part. Never hit back when being corrected. I again found myself over his knee and trapped. This time he took his belt to my poor bottom. If I thought the first spanking was bad .... I needed to think again. After another 10 to 15 minutes of intense spanking John asked me if I wanted to punch him again. I was smart and said NO SIR!!! He then let me up and told me to stand in the corner till he came back.

I stood there well really I danced in the corner and cried. My bottom hurt too much to rub. 30 minutes of dancing in the corner came to an end. John came back in took me into his arms and just held me while I cried. He then told me he was going to keep me safe if he had to spank me every day till I learned to stop putting myself in danger and Cari as well. I nodded but had other thoughts on how he could comfort me after that spanking. I am sure you know all to well what happened next!!!

So Nick ..... that was my introduction into my Domestic Discipline Lifestyle. It took about 2 months for me to learn to be safe and think before doing things. I did learn tho .....and, I learned not to hit back and not to run out of the house to try and escape being spanked. He could also out run me and when he would catch up to me I would again get to ride home over his shoulder and he would spank me all the way home. Yes in front of God and the whole neighbourhood!!!!!! Now I ask ya is that fair? At least he kept my pants on till we got to our bedroom!

Cinema Spankings: Love Crimes

When Love Crimes was released in the United Kingdom the spanking scene had been shorn from it and there was a clumsy jump cut that ran from when Patrick Bergin throws Sean Young towards the bed to the following scene where she is standing up in the bath, a nicely smacked bottom on display. Sadly I do not have the bathroom scene, but you have to admit that the spanking is well worth watching.

Time Shift documentary on CP

Part One     Part Two     Part Three

Part Four     Part Five     Part Six

Links to an interesting one hour documentary from the BBC on the history of corporal punishment. The basic thesis is that once Christian theology posited a wrathful God who punished the wicked, thus it was right to punish the evildoer on earth. That changed as the theology softened into one that saw God as the all-caring father, and thus the argument in favour of stern punishments began to fall away. Interestingly enough, this weakening of the state's power to punish corresponds to the growth of the state in the nineteenth century. You cannot seek to reform the recalcitrant unless you have a powerful machinery in place that employs thousands of people to do just that. An interesting programme which ends up looking at the abolition of the cane ins schools in the 1980s.

Thanks: The Spank Statement

The Ups of Blogging

As we are still on our first anniversary week I want to complement yesterday's posting about the downside to blogging with a look at the upside to the activity.

When I started this site just a year ago it was with the sole intention of using it as a hook to sell video clips with. It changed partly through the people that it introduced me to, but also because the blog is a great forum for trying out new ideas. For instance I am writing a book; I didn't set off to write one, but the postings that are archived under the Spanking Memories label were just asking to be rewritten to become chapters in a manuscript. I have set myself a deadline of the end of this month to have the work completed and then I suppose I will have to start getting used to rejection slips that will come my way, but the point is that if this blog had not existed the thought of setting down my spanking memories to paper would never have entered my head.

Had I not started the blog I would never have met Raven who quickly became not only a lover in real life but  also my confident and support. Obviously I owe an awful lot to her as well as to the countless other people who have crossed my path to the good over the past twelve months.

So what does the future hold? God knows - the blog today is a far different creature than the site that I set up a year ago so I am damned if I can even think about where it will be a year from now. That said, I hope that you are still around to enjoy it, and take at least part of your pleasure from my work here.

What to do with this girl?

Gentlemen,

What is to be done with such  girls?

She had obviously been insolent and failed to answer her man's bidding so a spanking had been administered. That had not had the desired effect, as madam had continued with her insolence and had adopted a tone of surly defiance when he had allowed her to rise after the spanking was over. Faced with such insolence there was no other recourse than to administer six with the heavy cane across buttocks that were already weeping from the force of the hard male palm. Just as a mare must feel the bit so a woman must feel the rod, thus both are brought back to their natural state of controlled obedience.

So what is to happen now to her? She is to be fucked, that is what is to happen and that is so obvious that the thought that anything else could even be considered is risible. She is a freshly disciplined female and her pussy lips are open in anticipation of the cock that will soon drive past them into the wondrous depths that are hidden below.

Let her be fucked for the same reason that she was thrashed. That she learns her place and accepts her subordinate position in the great scheme of things.

With thanks to Scarlett Heart for the photo.

New Blog on the block: Scarlett Heart

A very warm welcome to Scarlett Heart, a new spanking site that kicked off yesterday. Scarlett, the nice lady behind it, hails from South Africa and she is most definitely female as Raven Red and I spent most of yesterday evening chatting to her on Skype as she set up her new toy.

Scarlett is a BDSM submissive who switches now and then and chatting to her yesterday I reckon that you can expect a pretty eclectic mix of things to read and see on her blog. Please click on over there and give it your support.

The blog is now a year old!

Your favourite uncle has been sharing his memories for exactly a year as of this moment. That's right, the blog has its first anniversary today. By a rather nice bit of symmetry, or something, the hitcounter smacked its way past the first 100,000 hits just this Friday.

Why did I start this ball rolling in the first place? When I arrived back in this country in December 2009 I could barely walk more than a few yards and I was living on the charity of friends who would put me up for a month at a time before I moved on the next spare room or living room sofa. One of them suggested that 2010 might be a good year to start selling very old spanking videos as edited down clips and that is what I started to do. The blog was then set up the following month as a way of publicising that clip site - it really is as simple as that.

The blog grew as first Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts, then MarQe and finally Chross all noticed the site and linked to it. My thanks are due to them for making my stat porn very hardcore indeed.

Over the course of this week I will write about the ups and downs that I have experienced over the past twelve months, but for the moment let me just sit back and think: one year old today and over a 100,000 hits. 

Yeah!

Witness to a Spanking

Witness to a Spanking was produced by the Blushes team in about 1982. Like most early British spanking videos it was hot in some bloke's front room with the curtains closed, but what it lacks in production values it more than makes up for with the enthusiastic whacking that the young girl receives.

Your cock is telling you to click this link!

Bringing a Hildabeest to Heel, Part Four

I wasn't expecting a struggle and Pippa didn't disappoint me on that score. She leaned against me as we walked into the trees, still with her knickers just below her buttocks. I had my right arm around her waist and her overcoat in my left hand. Believe me, I had plans for that coat...

As we got to the fence where the trouble had started earlier I placed the coat over the top of it and then gently pushed Pippa against the rail so that she would bend over it and be in position for me. I felt her body stiffen as she realised that I planned to have her there and she looked at me pleadingly.

"Do we have to do it here? Can't we go back to my set?"

"Do you want another spanking?"

Pippa shook her head by way of reply and when I pushed her again she bent over the rail, her stomach cushioned by her own overcoat. I lifted up her skirt for the second time that evening and then without ceremony I pulled her panties right down to her ankles and left them there.

Have you ever had a woman that way? There is something incredibly erotic about having her bent over, fully clothed, but with her skirt up and panties down to her ankles. She is ready to receive whatever her man chooses to give her. I licked my right middle finger and began to stroke her pussy with it, all the while undoing my trousers with my other hand. Once they were down and my cock was free I rubbed the head against her moist, gaping pussy and when I was fully hard I mounted her from the rear and began to get a good, steady rhythm going.

She did not shriek or scream, but contenting herself with low heavy moans that seemed to come from deep within her. She reached behind her like a good girl should and took hold of my balls in one of her hands. Cupping them she stroked them with her fingers as I built up the velocity to the killing speed.

Quite a night with quite a lady. I walked her home afterwards like a good fellow should and as I made my way wearily back to my own college I remember taking a detour and wandered back down to the riverbank where the evening's entertainment had just taken place. Standing alone with only the moon to light the scene I lit a cigarette and then on impulse I pulled out my cock and had a nice long piss in the river.

And reflected that life really didn't get much sweeter.

Bringing a Hildabeest to Heel, Part Three

I need to point out at this juncture that I wasn't angry at Pippa, just irritated somewhat by her attitude. It was as if she seemed to think that I should jump to her tune, but since we hadn't had sex at that point I didn't feel any need to be overly enthusiastic about being answerable to her wishes. Not that I would feel all that enthusiastic after sex, either, but I would be more inclined to at least pay lip service to madam and her whims had my knob been nicely shined.

"Now look," she said, wagging her finger under my nose. "You must get me back to my college, safely."

"Sure, when I've finished my smoke, and after I have gone for a walk in the bushes."

"What? What are you talking about? 

"I need to go into the bushes to have a pee," I started to explain with all the patience that I could muster, but it was no good because madam was now waving her arms around and then turned her back on me. With a sigh I  toddled off into the undergrowth to make some American beer with a view to then taking her home.

"You are a thorough nuisance," I told her after my bladder had emptied.

"Am I? Says who" I could see to my great pleasure that Pippa's good humour had returned, so maybe the evening wasn't going to be such a waste after all.

"Says me," I told her. "Bringing me down here under false pretences for instance.

"Oooer," Pippa squealed deliciously. "What pretences were those, then?"

"You are all nice and moist, as I discovered when I touched your panties. Got me all hard and ready it did, and then you scampered away. Do you know what we call girls like that in Manchester?"

"No," she said gigglingly, but of course she did.

"We call 'em prick teasers, and do you know what we do with prick teasers in Manchester?"

Pippa now had a seriously bad fit of the giggles and like most girls in that situation she knew exactly what was coming next, but that didn't stop her shaking her head emphatically.

"We put them across our knees and smack their bare bottoms," I told her.

"If they can't manage it on their own do they get their grannies to help out?" Pippa was almost in hysterics at her sally, but that didn't stop her making a gallop for freedom to escape my grasp. I watched her scamper down the path but brought her to heel with a quick shout:

"Mind the rats - there are some juicy ones on the riverbank!"

Pippa halted dead in her tracks and holding her coat close to her body she began to look all around her on the ground. It really was that easy to reel her in and then all I had to do was walk over to her and grab an arm. Looking back I saw that we were only twenty feet or so away from the bench which would do nicely to sit upon for the matters disciplinary that were to come. I began to walk her back to that place of execution.

" Can't we talk about this?" Pippa enquired, a touch desperately I thought. "I can prove to you that I'm not a tease," she said, brightly. Who ever thought that Oxford women couldn't think fast when their bottoms were at stake?

"There is nothing to talk about," I said, trying and failing to hide my grin.  We had reached the bench an I quickly pushed Pippa's overcoat off her shoulders and grabbed it as it began to fall to the ground.

"Let's put it there shall we? I said, draping the coat over the back of the bench. Then I sat down and without saying another word I flipped Pippa's long corduroy skirt up and left it bunched at her waist.

With my left hand firmly planted in the small of Pippa's back I took a moment out to feast my eyes on the  firm rounded delight that was her bottom. As I write these words the decades fall away and in my mind's eye I can feel her weight on my thighs and the moon is shining down to illuminate her helpless buttocks, clad as they were in a black lace frothy confection that I am sure gave Pippa the illusion of total security until I peeled the garment down to leave her bottom both bare and vulnerable in the chill of that March evening so very long ago.

Pippa gasped as her knickers were lowered, and put her hand instinctively behind her, her legs moving slightly, but other than that she made no move to resist. Clearly this was a lady who had been across a man's knee before, I decided, and who knew that the way to avoid a sound spanking was not to provoke the fellow who was now going to give her a light one. With that thought in mind I raised my right hand above my head and brought it down firmly across the moonlit target below.

"I'm sorry," Pippa whispered. She didn't shout or scream or demand that I let her go. She behaved like an  essentially good girl should when she is undergoing correction and doesn't want it to leave her with a roasted rump. She apologised for her behaviour and replied on me being a decent soul.

Which dear reader I hope I am. Obviously I didn't let her go immediately, instead I spanked her soundly giving her perhaps a dozen smacks all told that left Pippa moving sensuously across my lap. She gasped each time my palm smacked her naughty bottom and about half way through the chastisement she apologised again, but other than that she made no sound. To be honest that girl was not an ounce of trouble when undergoing discipline.

With a final lingering look at the bottom that I had just spanked I let Pippa rise and she sat on my knee, brushing her long hair out of her eyes, with a look of complete embarrassment on her face. Then she looked down at the ground, so I lifted her face up to look into her eyes.

"You can rub your bottom if you want to," I told her with a smile.

"Thank you, " she said quietly, taking the opportunity to do just that.

"And are you going to be a good girl now?"

Pippa nodded. Good, I thought, as I stood her up and prepared to walk her back into the trees.

To be continued.

Bringing a Hildabeest to Heel, Part Two

As far as I was concerned everything was going swimmingly as I inserted my fingers into the elastic of Pippa's knickers with a view to sliding them down over her hips. In fact I may have actually started the peeling down process in train when Pippa froze like a statue, head cocked over to one side, with both hands clamped firmly on my wrists to prevent any further downward movement of her panties.

"Can you hear that?" Her voice was a soft, urgent whisper.

"Hear what?" That's the problem that we fellows have, isn't it? There comes a point in our arousal when the brain switches off and the chopper takes over all necessary processes - and hearing isn't one of them.

"Someone's moving through the under brush. Listen - the leaves are rustling."

"It's just a rat or something," I replied, and to be fair I had seen out of the corner of my eye a small shape moving around in our vicinity.

"A rat! A dirty big rat! Why didn't you tell me it was a squirrel?

"OK, it's a squirrel," I said, ever eager to both please and get her knickers down for action.

"Squirrels don't play out at night - it's a dirty big rat and I'm off!" With that madam pushed me away from her and darted back to the path. I shook my head at the inanity of it all and fished a cigarette out of my pocket and stood there smoking whilst a gathered my thought.

"Are you going to stand there all night? I want to go home."

Pippa's voice was petulant and sulky, the tone of a little girl who was used to getting her own way. Alas she had picked the wrong man to play such games with.

"If you want to go home, then see you around," I replied, walking slowly back to the bench where we had sat earlier. "I am quite comfortable here for the time being thank you very much."

"You mean you are going to let me walk on my own?"

"You are not on your own," I told her genially. "You have lots of big fat rats for company."

With a squeal Pippa turned on her heel and started to march off, her heels crunching on the gravel pathway. She turned a corner and was gone from sight but I knew that she had stopped because I could no long hear her footsteps. Knowing that sound travels in the night I placed my tongue into he roof of my mouth and clucked it as loudly as I could two or three times. Sure enough madam returned using high anger to hide her quite entertaining fear.

"I insist that you walk me home," she said, in that attempt at an authoritative tone of voice that women use at times like this: and they wonder why men laugh at them.

"Insist all you like, darling. I leave when I am ready - so sit down and wait," I told her. At that point all Pippa had to do was hang around for a minute until the last of my cigarette had been smoked and then I would have walked her back to the main road and dumped her there. Of course that was too much to ask so she took a deep breath and as soon as I saw that I realised that the remainder of the evening was about to take an interesting turn.

To be continued.