Fat Bastards

Why do fat bastards think that people take them seriously? I am not talking about the Roy Chubby Brown characters:

No I am talking about the genuine fat bastards, the types that I run into, the ones who volunteer for video work without realising that if we put them in front of the camera the audience will think that the Carry On team are back at work.

The scene suddenly seems to be full of these lumps of lard and I wish that it wasn't. A generation ago it was made up of chaps who had experienced a good war and who believed that the smack of firm government began at home. And if they enjoyed tanning a secretarial backside or wifely rump that was just an added bonus.

Now we have creatures with lank hair that you could fry chips in, who wear sweat pants because the drooping sack of blubber that they call a belly will not fit into any other pair of strides and who give off the rank, goatish odour of the truly repulsive.

And they think that women are attracted to that. Dear God, it's enough to make a normal man turn to drink.