Knocking me for six

I was chatting to Raven last night and she commented about a woman in South Africa who uses her real name and photos on her kinky Facebook page. I replied that my photos were genuine too, even though I use my pen name on the site. Pulling heavily on her cigarette, Raven replied thoughtfully:

"Yes, but you don't give a shit, do you?"

There are times when women leave me speechless: that was one.

A Spanking Good Life is out as a paperback!

A Spanking Good Life is now available via Amazon.com in the USA as a paperback for $17.95. Cheap at twice the price, says genial old Uncle Nick.

It has also arrived at Amazon UK for £13.99, but other sellers have it at a seriously reduced price.

Please buy it!

Wanky Wednesday: Gestapo 2

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Return of the Sugar Daddy

Much to the annoyance of the BBC - and presumably the liberal middle class who are its main consumers - the sugar daddy is making a comeback in a big way. An American company is planning to bring its sugar daddy parties across the Atlantic, parties that allow middle aged chaps to meet sweet young things. And it is interesting that the number or girls attending outnumbers men by a considerable amount at those events.

At this point some jealous females who feel the sands of time ebbing away will go into catty mode and say that the girls are only after the money: tell me something I don't know, says kindly Uncle Nick. The guys are after the tight young pussy and the felines want the money. These are matches made in heaven...

Actually, it is a bit more complicated than that, if you think about it. Throughout history, men and women have treated marriage as a business transaction and it is only fairly recently that the emotion nonsense has been allowed to get in the way of a good deal being cut. A young woman offers her beauty, household skills and fecundity to an older man, and in return he gives her status, comfort and protection as the wife or woman of a successful man. Obviously there has to be an understanding that the women must be faithful since the agreement hinges upon his acceptance that the children of the union are his and not some other man's bastards. Nevertheless, this arrangement whereby each partner brought into the union their respective offerings is one that has lasted down the millennia.

It still exists in most of the world, but in the west it was thought to have died. Today, however, as the wheels are about to come off the runaway train that is globalised capitalism, the more intelligent women are casting around for a lifebelt, which is why the idea of a sugar daddy suddenly seems as if its time has come around again.

Writing as a man, the future looks interesting from our point of view, doesn't it, chaps? I am a newly published author, which gives me a modicum of status, but alas I do not have any money. On the other hand that allows time for today's little girls to reach their late teens or early twenties by the time Daddy Nick has repaired his fortune and is ready to receive them.

Then it will be:

Come here, you naughty little girls: you know that you deserve this!

A Spanking Good Life is out as an e-book!

A Spanking Good Life is now available as a download for the Kindle. You can get it at Amazon.co.uk for £9.33 or if you prefer to pay in dollars, then Amazon.com has it for $14.89. Don't ask me how those prices came to be set - I only wrote the damn thing!

The paperback should be available in a week or two, in the meantime get your Kindle copies from the above links.

Sean Connery: spanking man!

I was chatting to Raven about Sean Connery a while back and she reported that he makes her knees go weak. I wonder how she feels about him now that it has emerged that he is a spanking man?

It is interesting that Barbara Walters who carried out this interview some years ago clearly tried to embarrass Connery with the question and failed quite spectacularly in that aim. Something which she implicitly admits at the end when she points out just how long Sir Sean and Lady Connery have been married.

You can tell a book by its cover - at least if it's mine!

Here it is, folks - the front and back cover of A Spanking Good Life. I must say that I like it; a simple design that tells the reader what the book is going to be about. Not a subtle cover, but not so vulgar or in-your-face that people might not want to have the book on their shelves. All in all a good piece of graphic design, in my humble opinion.

Needless to say, I keep going back and looking at it...

A Spanking Good Life; the front cover

Here is the front cover of my book - what do you think? 

The ball is now back in my court as I have to do a final proofread of the manuscript and then we are ready to rock and roll! I will send the final corrections in over this coming weekend, and with luck the book will be available from Amazon by the middle of November. The ISBN is 978-1-61098-190-3.

I am within touching distance of being a published author!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan, you have persistently and wilfully broken the terms of your probation and this court has no alternative but to award you a sentence that will remain in your mind long after the marks have left your bottom. It is the judgement of this court that you be taken immediately to the punishment room and there given 12 strokes of the senior cane across your bare bottom. Take her down...

If only it were thus. As it is all we can really do is award this insolent young madam an Order of the Burning Buttocks and hope that word of it gets through to her and that it encourages her to mend her ways.

Guest Posting: The Slut

Do you have a story to tell? Whether it is fact or fiction, just send it to me at strictuncle@gmail.com, and if I like it  I will gladly publish it here.

This fantasy was written by Venus de Minuit from London. She can be contacted on venusdeminuit@gmail.com: 

I broke into your house last time, but this time the door is open. I walk into your bedroom. I’m wearing a tiny skirt, ankle socks and high heels. They’re red and shiny. I stand in front of you as I suck on a lollipop. You raise your eyebrows. You’re older. This makes me want you more than before.

I walk past you and I sit down in the chair in the corner of the room. You don’t look very impressed with me. I open my legs and you can see I’m wearing tight, white knickers. You can see the shape of my pussy through them. I look at you, sulkily. You take me in slowly from head to toe. We’ve met before, you smile. I’m wearing a white top with no bra on and you can see my nipples are hard and sticking up under the material.

We look at each other. Come here, you little slut, you say. I come over and you pat your knee. I sit down on it and you groan. I cross my legs and dangle my shoe from my foot. I want to fuck that little cunt of yours, do you hear? I nod as I look into your eyes and suck on my lollipop. You look down at my heels whilst you rub my thighs. You’re such a little fucking tease. And you’re a dirty little bitch. Hungry for my cock, eh? I nod, eagerly. Back to your chair, bitch, you growl. I sit down, and open my legs slowly. I continue sucking and licking my lollipop whilst we look at each other. You’re a little slut but I know you’ve got such a sweet little pussy, you smile.

As you look at me I move my fingers down to my knickers. I start to rub myself through them. No, not this, no, you sigh. You shake your head. Stop it, you dirty little bitch. I move my hands away and you can see a wet patch on my knickers. Fuck sake, you mutter through your teeth. You come over to the chair. You kiss me tenderly. You run your fingers slowly over my tits. Take your knickers off and open your legs, wide. I do as you tell me. I want you so bad, I whisper. Yes, I know, you smile. Your cunt is quite a demanding little cunt. I’ll have to deal with it.

You pick up some small clamps from the desk. They have metal teeth in them. You walk over and bend down between my legs. You open me and I sigh as you rub slightly against my clit. You put three clamps on each of my pussy lips. I flinch as you put on each one. This will help to keep that greedy little cunt under control. Oh fuck, I whisper as the pain grows and wetness starts to dribble out of me. You sit on the bed and watch me. Rub that clit, you dirty little bitch. I finger myself and move my clit hood round and round and back and forwards. Fuck, it hurts. Fuck. The mix of the pain and my erect clit makes me want you even more. You smile. You undo your belt and tell me to stand up and turn around. You need a good seeing to first, so stick your arse out. Up in the air. That’s right.

You start to whip me with your belt. The pain makes my head spin and my cunt wetter. You count three strokes and then you rub my cheeks. You give me three more. You tell me to sit down. You kiss my wet eyes. You kneel between my legs. Mmmm, let me have a taste of this naughty little pussy, you whisper. You lick my clit with long strokes and tongue fuck me. Delicious little cunt, you moan as you eat me. You take the clamps off my pussy lips and pull your cock out. You kiss each of my heels and put my legs over your shoulders. You want my cock, eh, you greedy little bitch? You start to fuck me really hard. And then you fuck me really slowly. You bend down to kiss me gently. You know that this is the best way for me to deal with you, you say into my ear. You kiss me hard, your tongue down my throat as you push into me. Rub it, you dirty little bitch, you whisper. I look at your face as I rub my clit. Your cock is so hard in me. You watch me come as I look at your eyes. They start to close. You fuck me harder and I kiss you as you sigh into my mouth. I feel you push your orgasm inside me. It makes me want to come again.

 About Venus de Minuit:

I am a sexual explorer, fantasist and dream visitor who is compelled to share my experiences with you. Everything written here has been experienced or felt. I cannot write it if I don't feel it.

My writing is for everyone that I meet every day and for anyone who wants to know me. All the ordinary people with worlds below the surface.

I am all at once sexually extraordinary, ordinary and very, very sexy.

Wanky Wednesday: Ancient Regime 2

Say what you like about the Eastern Europeans, but they sure know how to lay on the cane:

That is certainly true of Mood Pictures from Hungary, where the buttocks are stripped and whipped, and the girls whimper pityingly:

Download Ancient Regime 2 by clicking this link!

Yet More Foolish Facebook Girls

 

I have said it before and I will say it again: there is something about girls, cameras and Facebook that makes every girl seem to want to be an exhibitionist. Take these firm buttocked lovelies as a case in point. God knows who they are but I know what needs to be said to each and every one of them:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Yulia Tymoshenko

At the suggestion of a correspondent, an Order of the Burning Buttocks is hereby awarded to Yulia Tymoshenko, of Ukraine. Alas the award cannot be administered for at least seven years because that's how long the lady has been sentenced to prison on corruption charges. However, when she gets out, then here is one large Slav rump that needs to sting.

Normally I don't bother about the lands beyond the Oder-Niesse Line that are known collectively as the Great Slav Wasteland, but there is something about Yulia that makes me want to break my rule.

Maybe it is the ludicrous hairstyle - a fake, by the way - or the sense of arrogant entitlement that the bloody woman had until her recent downfall. Whatever the reason, the only thing that remains to be said is:

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

On being an (almost) published author

The contract for my book arrived on Friday and has now been signed and is ready to be returned to the American publisher. This means that A Spanking Good Life should be available to buy from Amazon at the end of November.

I went along to a council run internet cafe and printed up the contract. I showed it to the women behind the counter and told her what it was. Her eyes lit up and she started asking questions twenty to the dozen, questions which I thought it politic to evade, given the small town and its mores.

Still, it was quite a delight to be the centre of her world for a moment or so and I am now quite looking forward to attending the odd munch and dropping the information that I am about to become a published author into the conversation.

Let's hear it for naked news!

This has nothing to do with la cosa nostra, but it has seriously tickled my funny bone so I am running a clip here. Naked News is a Canadian based outfit which presents the news in a rather different way to everyone else.

I don't care what people say: it really is a man's world, isn't it?

More Thoughts on Stupidity

Last night's posting led to some interesting responses,  with a fellow from Newcastle writing in to say:

I read your blog; so its not just me who comes across girls like that !!!!!!! I was told by one that she did not want to betray him... Funny that she was naked and very wet but that is not betraying him..... My finger don't count as a sign of betrayal?

A London reader wrote in to say:

I have stopped meeting girls through Facebook. They either do not turn up or they come out with nonsense like this...

Another man wrote in to offer his congratulations, so that makes three private comments to one posting, which is a record of some kind for the blog. Quite why none of them left their remarks in the comment box is unclear, but all of them insisted that if I did post their words then I should not identify them by name.

It is nice that a post strikes a chord, and it does appear as if my experiences are common across the board. To a certain extent that is understandable: women are a manipulative bunch and they get juicy at the thought of forcing men to bend to their wills. The question is why are so many of them getting away with this game? Surely if a submissive woman runs into a dominant man, then he should be calling the shots? 

Sorry, but I am blaming the fellows here. Far too many of you are doing nothing more than role playing and you may be very, very good when you adopt your headmaster's persona, but it is nothing more than an act and the women can see right though it, so of course they can take you for a ride. You deserve it.

Far better to stop playing games, remember what your balls are for, and then stop taking shit.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Pippa Middleton Yet Again!

What can we say about Pippa Middleon that hasn't already been said a thousand times already? Here she is in a nice but pretty boring pose on the left, but look below and see her in all her provocative glory.

Pippa you are a saucy young madam. Now come here: you know that you deserve this!

Thoughts on Stupidity

Yesterday was a fairly rotten day with a depressing amount of rain that was made worse by a depressing amount of female stupidity. To add to my irritation, when I related my tale of woe to Raven Red all I got were hoots of raucous laughter and demands for more information.

A woman in her early thirties e-mailed me from the East-Midlands and following a very brief exchange of mails she rang me on the telephone. Her number was withheld, which is a good sign that she was being serious about all this. The story she told was of a need for discipline as a father disciplines his little girl, and I was only too pleased to slap the phone on to the speakers and chat to her whilst my sausages, bacon and beans were crackling away in the pan.

I was just about to toss a couple of slices of bread into the pan to fry 'em up in the grease when a thought came to mind, which I hastened to share with madam:

"I wonder how it will be when you are all nice and subdued? Will I be looking at your face, all tear-stained, or admiring my handiwork on your rump as I have you doggie fashion?"

There was a sort of pregnant silence at that moment, which I took to be a pause for thought whilst she considered the situation, but I was wrong, wasn't I?

"What type of woman do you think I am?"

"Well, the type who needs her bottom smacking until she is nice and well behaved and ready to be fucked by me."

That was it. Fucking Chernobyl had nothing on that minger as she went critical. I was abusive, a complete shit, I wanted to take advantage of her - fellas, you should have heard the dialogue, it was straight out of a soap opera. I did try to tell her that she did not need to worry as I was not looking for a relationship as I have been involved with Raven for quite some time now. A quickie would be fine by me, but do you think she was mollified by that? No, of course she wasn't.

It was obvious from her comments that madam had gone into manipulation mode and was trying to make me defensive so that I would start apologising and she could then press home her advantage, but I am far too old a dog for that:

"Listen, darlin', nobody is forcing you to do anything that you don't want to, but if you don't do as I tell you then trust me, if you catch fire, I won't cross the fucking street to piss on you to put the flames out."

I was trying to be nice to her and explain the situation, but she sort of began to make funny noises in her throat, so I gave up trying. Funnily enough, as I recounted the tale to Raven it was at that moment that she almost choked on her coffee, so I guess those words marked the climax of the conversation as it were.

She calmed herself down a bit and muttered something about having watched the videos through and through. I pointed out that the videos do not show the shaggings that took place after the shoots were over, but she could trust me when I say that all pussies were stretched. Again, I was just trying to be nice, but she sort of wailed:

"That's not what I need, and you have no right to force me to do what I don't want to do."

That was pretty much when I gave up. If the stupid woman could not understand basic English what more could I say? I  said goodbye to her and that was that.

Now this is not the first time that this stupidity has hit me. As I pointed out to Raven, I am getting sick and tired of brainless bitches trying to get me to dance to their tunes. That is one of the reasons why this archive site was set up last year as a way to warn off these little airheads. My theory is that they watch my videos, read what they want to read in the blog, and then write a sort of script with me as the stern but caring daddy who will correct their wilful behaviour more in sorrow than in anger.

What they are doing is role-playing. They write their script and then get into role and expect me to take up the role that they have written for me. Once the play is over, we all take our bows and leave the stage. Raven added to that the notion that I had never considered before which is that these women are engaged in a fantasy, which obviously has sexual connotations. However they don't think that far ahead so when they are brought face to face with that reality by my words, they run - or respond with aggression.

Well, girls, guess what? I don't play, and this is how I am all the time. If you want a strict daddy then there are any number of fellows who will play according to your wishes. However, get involved with me and you do as you are bloody well told and when you cross the invisible line then you get your backside warmed before being taken to bed.

Wanky Wednesday: Free Lupus Videos

I don't know how long this link will remain live, but at the moment it gives access to five full length Lupus videos! Click on over there and grab whatever you fancy, says kindly old Uncle Nick, who is really keen to get the Wanky Wednesdays off to a flying start!

Book Review: The Romance of Chastisement

The Romance of Chastisement; or, Revelations of School and Bedroom, by An Expert.

Delectus Classics of Erotic Literature, £19.95

This is one of the great underground classics, so it is to my eternal shame that I have to admit that I have only just read it. And I call myself a libertine...

As the scholarly introduction to the facsimile reprint of the 1888 edition makes clear, this work was originally published by John Camden Hotten in 1871. Hotten was famous for both his pornography and his thievery, being a man who would cheerfully pirate someone else's work, give it a new title and then publish it himself. Thus the version of how this work came into his grasping paws must be treated with some caution. A Nineteenth Century bibliographer, quoted in the introduction, claimed that a thousand copies were printed in Dublin and that Hotton bought 200 to sell in London. I am dubious about that claim since the work appears to be a compilation of short stories which may have circulated in pamphlet form in the London porno circuit of the day. The notion of Hotton paying for 200 copies is also highly unlikely - more probable would be him buying once copy and then pirating the rest. Since no complaints have come down to us of Irish publishers seeking redress, and since there is no record of the other 800 copies, the most likely explanation is that Hotton cobbled the work together himself from some already existing pamphlets.

To be fair to him, if that is what happened then he chose some rather nice works to print up in hardback form. The Romance of Chastisement is full of sweet young ladies who find themselves upended to feel the kiss of the cane or the birch rod's tickle across their bare bottoms. Victorian Pornography was expensive and was written for an upper class readership, so the work is literate and filled with Latin bon mots and French sentences.The modern reader is not going to get turned on with any Victorian work because tastes have changed so much over the last century, but The Romance of Chastisement is an amusing and well written excursion into the mind of the Victorian male.

Is it a must have for your collection? Yes, I would say that it is. The fact that it is so well written means that you can have it in your book case as a conversation piece if nothing else.

Raven's First Anniversary

Raven Red's blog is celebrating its first anniversary this weekend. Hard though it is to believe, but the good lady has been emoting now for 365 days. Please get over there and give her your good wishes.