The Super Injunctions Scandal

This blog is all about providing its readers with a spot of titillation, which hopefully will lead to hard cocks and moist panties all round. If a few of you then decide to visit my clips' store and download something nice, then squeezing out a good dollop of lube and stroking one off as you watch it play that is all to the good.

That said, I can do a serious posting if I want to, and right now that is exactly what I want to do.

The political scandal surrounding the  issuing of court injunctions banning the naming of quite a few high profile celebrities who have been caught with their trousers down is growing by the day. Parliament must act to pass a freedom of speech measure that will stop judges making up laws on the hoof.

In the meantime the celebrities who are cheerfully spending thousands of pounds on lawyers' fess really have two options open to them:

The first is that they can stop paying whores to stick vibrators up their bums, and they can live quietly with their wives as pussy whipped dogs should.

The second option that they have is to tell the press to publish and be damned and when their wives kick up a fuss they can adopt the Wayne Rooney approach. It will be recalled that when Colleen, his missus, went ballistic about Wayne's extra-curricular shagging, he basically reminded the good lady that her continued presence  on the gravy train was conditional upon remaining his wife. Then he told her to shut the fuck up...

Gentlemen, pray adopt the Wayne Rooney approach, stop feeding the lawyers and just grow a pair, OK?

How to spot an internet fake

The internet is crawling with wannabes and fakes. I cannot give you much advice on how to deal with the former, but since I have just seen off a fake, I reckon that I am pretty much an expert in spotting those people, hence tonight's bit of wisdom.

What is the difference between them? The fakes are on-line constructs, usually men pretending to be women so that they can get their rocks off at your expense. The wannabes are real people who either lose their nerve at the last minute or are prick teasers who get all moist at the anguish that they cause. Raven Red was duped by a wannabe last year, as was I. Hers was a man who lost his nerve when he realised that a real live woman was about to descend upon him, whereas I spent the merry month of May last year becoming involved with a woman who got her kicks from taking industrial quantities of cock up her, and then trying to prick tease me with her exploits. Spotting these people is difficult if not impossible and the best you can hope for is not to get mad but to get even, which is what I do every time I give out a link to my little prick teaser.

By and large you can spot a fake almost from the start, if keep your wits about you. Usually they take the identity of the sweet young girl of your dreams and they contact you on either Facebook or something similar. Here are Uncle Nick's three rules of spotting them:

1. Does the girl come over as being the stuff that fantasies are made out of? That is probably because she is, she's a fantasy created by someone, and if you doubt that just ask yourself how many 18 year old girls, say, are willing to make all the sexy running that this one is doing with you. Just doesn't ring true does it? Remember, people, that if something is too good to be true then it usually is.

2. How many friends does your new playmate have on Facebook? A dozen or so? Most fakes do not have the hundreds of friends that real girls have. Leading on from that how many photos do they have on their profile? Some girls only have a few, but most will have hundreds - it is the way that real girls are, and that is one thing that the fakes cannot copy, the hundreds of friends and photos that a genuine girl will fill her page with. Very well, you will certainly find real girls who don't have a lot of friends and photos, but they are the exception. However, the fakes never have many of either.

3. Demand to hear your new friend's voice. What has she got to hide if she is genuine? If she does not want to use her own telephone then tell her to use a call box, but insist on her making that call. This tactic is pretty much  guaranteed to get rid of every single fake. Don't listen to their bluster about how the time is not right, just tell them that the time is right now, baby, otherwise off is where you should tell them to fuck. Trust me, it is the one tactic that will separate the on-line wheat from the chaff.

Not difficult is it? So don't get caught out again!

Three Tannings by Tim Holt

Tim Holt is not a name that comes easily to anyone's mind, but he was a well-known B-picture star of the 1940s and administered three cinema spankings to two starlets. Martha Hyer in Thunder Mountain and then again in Rustlers felt his heavy hand, before the curiously named Jeff Donnell went across his knee in Stagecoach Kid.

Chross turned these clips up and posted about Mr. Holt and his activities, but I thought that it would be a nice idea to bolt the three spanking scenes together into one clip for your delectation and delight!

Pippa Middleton shows her tits!

Could the rumours that Pippa Middleton is seriously considering the recent offer to star in a porn video be true? Five million dollars is a lot of money for anyone, so let's hope that she is tempted.

In the meantime we have a very nice tit shot to keep you amused, and if the waiting proves too much for you and your chopper, just remember to listen to your oldest and closest friend:

Your cock is telling you to click this link!

Smacked on the Bed

This clip is for all you lovers of traditional home discipline. What could be more traditional than having a naughty girl face down on a bed to have her bare bottom smacked? The lecture that accompanies the smacking leaves the girl tear stained and fully obedient to her uncle's wishes.

You cock is telling you to click this link!

Public Paddlings In Las Vegas

Go to the Hofbrauhaus in Las Vegas and order a short, and then bend over for a whack with a good old American spanking paddle. These three girls did and just watch them jump as the wood hits the rumps.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: A Brummie Painter

We don't know the name of the girl who decided to go all artistic on her boyfriend's car, but we sincerely hope that she is still eating her meals standing up and sleeping on her tummy. If ever an hysterical little madam needed taking in hand it is this one.What had the poor, long-suffering fellow done, anyway, other than presumably comment on Pippa Middleton's luscious bottom? 

The photo was grabbed in Birmingham on Wednesday and the hunt is now on for the car's owner and his hopefully tearful girlfriend.

In the meantime this blog awards an Order of the Burning Buttocks to the unknown artist:

Come here you hysterical little girl: you know that you deserve this!

Pippa Middleton to star in porn video

It's hard to believe that just two weeks ago we all tuned in to the royal wedding and got the Pippa Middleton porn video thrown in for free. Just to prove that we are not the only ones who admired Pippa's pornographic posterior, a major American porn company has offered her a massive $5,000,000 to appear in one of their productions - and she can have her pick of partners! What's the betting that she will choose Ron Jeremy, pictured above receiving a tribute from some of his fans?

TV Spankings: Rawhide

A damned fine television spanking from this 1960 episode of Rawhide. In spite of being told that there are a couple of drunken Indians about, the girl wanders of the trail and is waylaid by them, so husband rescues her and then applies correction to the traditional seat of learning. By the way, the very young cowboy watching the proceedings is Clint Eastwood.

Thought for the Day: Super Injunctions

If you are a footballer, B-list actor or crap comedian, there are two ways to avoid having to take out a super injunction at a cost of at least £50,000. The first is to keep your dick in your trousers and do not pay whores to stick dildos up your bum or have them smack your bottom, no matter how naughty you have been. The second is to adopt the fuck it principle which has stood me in good stead for years. Let people say what they want,  and let the papers print what they wish. If you do that then it will all blow over in a day or so.

However, if you are unable to keep your prick under control and are determined to waste your money on injunctions,  then you are truly fucked in this day and internet age. For the truth will out and the laughter will go on for weeks.

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Stephanie, the Stripping Stewardess

I am pleased to award an Order of the Burning Buttocks to Stephanie, the stripping air hostess who set all our pulses racing back in 2008 when her two videos first emerged. I have joined them together so you can see Stephanie in action for yourself.

She worked for a French airline called AOM which went bust in 2001, so the videos were obviously made before then. In the first one the pilot takes his hands off his joystick to inspect her twin engines, and then in the second clip her cockpit is inspected to see if it is air worthy.

Stephanie: you know that you deserve this!

On Opening the Gates of Hell

I am very loyal to my friends. They can be on-line chums like K who write to me from time to time, or people that I am close to in real life like Raven or Svetlana. In fact, if you are a friend then I can usually forgive your little errors, especially if you not only apologise, but stand your ground afterwards. Doing a runner whilst screaming sorry over your shoulder is not a good idea as it leaves me thinking that you don't really mean it.

Let me give you an example of this attitude at work, and we shall use Svetlana to illustrate the theme. I thought about her the other day as it is now exactly a year since a rather foolish little slapper tried some prick teasing games with me. I remember that when I told the tale to Sveta she hooted with laughter as she was most impressed by the fact that a female had managed to put one over on yours truly. Trust me it takes a lot to impress Svetlana...

Sveta and I first met in about 1990 when she was one of the first of the Russian whores who now bless London with their presence. She didn't speak much English back in those days and I had the the job of driving her and some other Russian trollops around the capital from hotel to hotel. However, a lack of English was not the main reason why I acted as the tarts' driver, that had more to do with the fact that within weeks of arriving in England our Slavic friends had acquired a well-deserved reputation for chicanery, so the classier agencies hired drivers to keep an eye on them.

Bless her, but she was always trying to pull fast ones, and usually sought to involve me in the deal, but I never went along with her wheezes. I was getting paid cash in hand, and the agency manageress would tell one of the girls to give me a freebie at least once a week, so why should I make waves? The only thing that Svetlana could realistically offer me as an inducement was herself, so it amused me to ask the manageress to give me Sveta for my freebie.

Obviously she hated me for that, which was fine because I didn't like her all that much at the time, either. On the other hand you don't have to like a woman to fuck her so long as she has a nice juicy pussy. Come on, fellows, you know it's the truth.

Gradually Sveta stopped sniping at me and I stopped teasing her for having to give me for free that which she had tried to offer as a bribe and eventually we became friends. For years afterwards whenever I was in London we would meet up and I would buy her dinner in a nice restaurant, and she would then go to work on her back, or doggie-style, depending on my mood that night. However, what she never did was try to pull any more fast ones because she knew that it wouldn't work.

All this brings me in a roundabout sort of way to the events of last May and to a girl who did try it on and who got away with it for three or four days until she gave her game away with her fat, stupid mouth. You can read the whole sorry saga at this link, but for the purposes of this tale I just need to say that I told the story to Svetlana and her hoots of laughter were enough to waken the dead.

 

"So you give up time for girl who does not pay in proper manner," gloated Svetlana.

"Yes."

"You give girl taste of belt?"

"She lives miles away. Have you any idea how much it costs to fill up an XJS?"

"You have Jaguar car?"

"Er, yes."

"You want give me taste of belt?"

I couldn't stop laughing. Actually, the car belonged to a friend of mine, but I did have the use of it and didn't want to overtax poor Sveta's brain with extraneous information.

So there you are. Play straight with me, and I will be your pal and will play straight with you. Fuck with me and I will crucify you. That attitude extends to my pals who seek my help. So for instance, if Raven had been unhappy over the past two weeks because of what people had been saying about her and if that unhappiness had been exacerbated  by a blog posting then obviously I would be very annoyed on her behalf. That has not happened of course, so we are just talking hypothetically.

However, if it did happen, then I would open the gates of Hell.

Cinema Spankings: Sissi

Rather a nice spanking scene from a 1957 German film. As for me, I am having a lazy night!

Kim's Caning

Kim has been a very naughty girl indeed, and her long-suffering uncle feels that the only answer is a traditional, bare-bottomed caning.Kim is unhappy at this and protests vigorously, before eventually bending over like a good little girl should to allow her defenceless buttocks to feel the kiss of the cane. 

Your cock is telling you to click this link!

Order of the Burning Buttocks: Pippa Middleton Again!

With thanks to Raven Red, photos are emerging which prove that this blog was right to award an Order of the Burning Buttocks to Pippa Middleton. Now we award it to her again on the basis of this frankly disgusting photo that has emerged showing her grinding her luscious rump into some fellow's groin. On that basis we award her yet another OBB for being the sauciest young minx that we have ever seen.

Come here young lady: you know that you deserve this!

Policewoman Spanked in 1981

Does anybody else remember this quite fascinating case from 1981? It made all the papers at the time since it involved a policewoman named Susan Jarvis (19), who claimed that  Inspector David Henley (38) had bent her over and smacked her bare bottom. He was acquitted of the dastardly deed, and given that passage of time I was wondering if anyone had any more information on the case?

Cinema Spankings: Una Bala Marcada

In this 1972 Spanish horse opera, Peter Lee Lawrence plays a gunslinger who has been hired to go up against a town's despotic ruler. Obviously he and Maria Pia Conte's character know each other, hence the animosity between them. I have edited the spanking clip down to remove a section where he and  Maria each tell the shopkeeper to serve the other first as it seemed tedious.

Eventually Peter asks for a box of .45 cartridges, whereupon Maria whispers something in the shopkeeper's ear. He then announces that he does not have that calibre in stock, so Peter walks behind the counter and grabs a box of .45 shells. He asks the girl if she would care to explain what is going on and she steps backwards telling him not to touch her. Peter replies that she is spoiled and not to be treated as a woman, but as a naughty little girl, and proceeds to spank her.

Just when the correction has become interesting, an old man walks in and tells Peter to stop, to which our hero replies that he is only teaching a chit to behave herself. The order is repeated and Maria is allowed to rise. She then tells her rescuer that the only reason why Peter is in the town is because he does not have the courage to go up against the bad guy himself.

The clip ends with Peter saying that he does not understand why the man intervened and the fellow replies, in effect, that it is not Peter's concern.

A Video Tribute to Pippa's Posterior

I couldn't resist it - the video pretty much made itself. Which is a good thing because Raven Red was bending my ear during the whole time that I was editing the clip for your delectation and delight.

Is Pippa's Posterior a Fake?

Pippa's posterior owes more to her dressmaker than Mother Nature, it is being claimed after photos appeared of her rump which seem to show it flat and hardly worth a smack.

So what do you think, folks? The photo on the left seems to show a run of the mill rump that is hardly worth a second glance, especially when compared to the pornographic display that we can see above.

What could account for the differences to Pippa's posterior? 

The people demand answers!

Thrashing The Maid

What to do with an incompetent servant girl? This mistress has the answer - she orders the wretched girl to bend over for a dose of the tawse across her bare buttocks. Sit back and enjoy the sight of a cruel, leather-clad dominatrix putting her employee through her paces. 

Your cock is telling you to click this link!